Dáil Sketch / Marie O'Halloran: The Republic became a monarchy yesterday - or a certain Dublin constituency became a realm, when the Taoiseach was proclaimed the "queen of Drumcondra" for his expenditure on make-up services.
It was a right royal L'Oreal moment for Green Party chairman John Gormley as it emerged that Bertie Ahern's make-up cost €482 a week last year.
Mr Gormley wondered if Bertie agreed that everyone could call him the "L'Oreal Taoiseach - as he spends this money because he is worth it".
In case Mr Gormley would doubt it, Minister for Education Mary Hanafin stressed loyally that "he is worth it". But the Green Party TD was outraged that apparently "the Taoiseach spends more money on make-up than many of the ladies in the Cabinet".
Perhaps to turn the TD literally green with envy, Bertie had first suggested that "when deputy Gormley is taoiseach some day" - which may have turned other TDs literally green too - "he will find that the services of two people who are paid on a per diem basis are made available in the Department of the Taoiseach".
"Is that why the Taoiseach will not come in on a Thursday?" quipped Labour's Emmet Stagg.
"If I came in on Thursdays, we would have to pay for three days. It would be even more expensive then," the Taoiseach said, demonstrating his cost-consciousness.
Another Green Party TD Ciarán Cuffe conceded that the Taoiseach "is looking well on it", but an outraged Mr Gormley asked how could he expect the taxpayers, especially those on hospital trolleys, "to pay such an exorbitant sum to meet the cost of his vanity".
"What sort of priorities does the Taoiseach have when he is heading around like the queen of Drumcondra?"
"In Fagan's," added Fine Gael's Bernard Durkan, in reference to the Taoiseach's local.
John Gormley's outrage was not to be diminished. What would Fianna Fáil founder Éamon de Valera say about the Taoiseach spending hundreds of euro a week on make-up, he thundered.
"He used mascara," the Green's Paul Gogarty suggested.
"He would tell him to use Vichy," said Fine Gael's Paul Kehoe, demonstrating his knowledge of another cosmetic company.
Bertie had had enough. "I do not think these people should be fired to satisfy Deputy Gormley," he said, adding: "I understand deputy Gormley always very carefully goes to the make-up room when he is in RTÉ."
Indeed, Mr Gormley "has never been known not to do so in advance of any of his many television appearances".
Mr Gormley was amazed at the Taoiseach's knowledge of his make-up habits. "I know because I checked," said Bertie.
The Taoiseach's make-up expenditure was "nothing more than decadence," said Mr Gormley. "The Romans were like that too," said Mr Durkan.