I have a sin to confess - and one that I'm sure is not unique. I stole a plant. It was some years ago, in a grand Irish garden (oh, all right, it was Powerscourt) where I saw a carpet of delightful, heart-shaped leaves covering the ground in an out-of-the-way place. At the time I thought it was Brunnera, a plant that bears pretty, blue flowers in spring. They have so much of it, I thought to myself, they'll never miss a teeny-weeny bit. So I helped myself to a small piece, potted it up and some time later planted it out in my garden. But it wasn't Brunnera at all, it was Trachystemon orientalis, a coarse and untameable thing entirely unsuitable for my restricted town garden. Beguiled by its juvenile foliage, I had kidnapped a cuckoo and loosed it into my patch. I'm truly sorry now, and if I could give it back, I really would.
That's a cautionary tale that is especially timely now that the garden visiting season is getting into its stride - and I'd like to take this opportunity to reassure garden-owners, if they see me coming, that I have not pinched a plant since that one dreadful experiment. In fact, nicking plants or cuttings is about the worst (and most selfish) crime that you can perpetrate in anyone's garden, but it's one that is accepted in some circles. Recently, I've heard of it referred to as "moonlight pruning" or "helping someone's plant to take on a better shape". And last year, an eminent gardener gave a slide show where she explained brightly that many of the plants had been grown from cuttings acquired (wink, wink) in other people's gardens.
Pilfering plant labels is almost as bad as filching the plants themselves, but it is a common pastime. Not only is it unfair to other visitors, but it also deprives the owner of valuable information - for even the most knowledgeable of plantspeople cannot rely entirely on their memories.
It's easy to feel like an intruder when you are nosing around someone else's garden, even when your motives are entirely worthy, so it's worth remembering that people who open their gardens to the public have invited you in. It follows that most owners are "jolly pleased when anyone turns up", according to Helen Dillon, garden-owner and television presenter. Garden criticising is almost as great a hobby as garden visiting, and although it may please the participants no end at the time, it is of lasting benefit to no-one. Far better to go with a mind primed for enjoyment and new ideas (and with a notebook for jotting down impressions and plant names). True, certain gardens may be full of weeds, but they may also have remarkable specimens or interesting plant associations that you'd miss if you went around with eyes tuned only to wayward weeds.
And, if you wish to adhere to the unwritten rules of garden-visiting etiquette, it is essential that a chronically blind eye is turned on all weeds - even if there are drifts of dandelions brightening up the herbaceous border or thick ropes of bindweed romping around the shrub roses. Etiquette also demands that you don't paw the plants, except for an occasional, respectful forefinger inserted under the down-curved flower-stalk of a hellebore or other shy bloom to enable you to admire its inner perfection.
And whatever you do, don't pat alpine cushion-plants on the head, no matter how cuddly they look. In a nutshell, you should conduct yourself on a garden visit as if you were a guest in the owner's home. After all you wouldn't remove bits of furniture just because you wanted them, or rip pages out of magazines because you hadn't time to finish an article while your host was making you a cup of tea.
And really, most garden-owners are only too eager to please, and will gratify whatever reasonable desires they can. For instance, knowing that weed-spotting gives some visitors huge satisfaction, Helen and Val Dillon - whose garden is a picture of order - sometimes leave a nettle in the border, which always brings a happy smile to those who come upon it.
Useful garden guides include:
Great Houses, Castles And Gardens Of Ireland, a pocket guide available from Tourist Offices (£1.20), and from the Historic Irish Tourist Houses and Gardens Association, Hillsbrook, Dargle Valley, Bray, Co Wicklow (£2 incl. postage);
The Hidden Gardens Of Ireland by Marianne Heron, published by Gill and Macmillan (price £9.99), which appealingly describes more than a hundred Irish gardens;
The Daily Telegraph Gardener's Guide To Britain And Ireland 1998 by Patrick Taylor (price £12.99 in UK) which features countless British gardens, but includes many top Irish ones too; The May issue of The Irish Garden (price £1.95) available around now, which has an extensive guide to gardens open throughout Ireland, including private ones which open for only a few days a year.
Good behaviour
DO:
Bring a notebook and camera (ask the owner's permission to use the latter, and don't point it into the house)
Ask questions of the owner
Observe the opening hours
Keep children on a tight rein
Keep your voice down: not everyone wants to know your opinions/admire your expertise
Respect the garden
Don't
Remark on weeds
Finger the plants
Steal plants
Take illegal cuttings (a friendly "is it easy from cuttings?" will sometimes charm/blackmail the owner into giving a bit)
Pocket plant labels
Jump up and down or skid about on lawns
Leave litter behind you
Bring children, dogs or picnics if they are banned
Diary date: April 24th, 25th and 26th sees a festival of flowers at Kilternan Parish Church, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. each day, except Sunday (noon to 7 p.m.). In aid of Kilternan Parish and the Children's Sun- shine Home, Leopardstown.