That's men for you/Padraig O'Morain'sguide to men's health: Do you see an impostor when you look in the mirror? You'd be surprised how many people do.
Most of us adopt or are thrust into roles in life that we think we are not up to. Others might say "you're great at your job" or "you're a great parent". But they are looking at you from the outside. You are looking at yourself from the inside and you "know" you are none of these things. What's more, you think, if other people knew you as well as you know yourself, they would agree with your opinion.
The so-called impostor phenomenon was first described in the late 1970s. Then, it referred to young women who were doing well in managerial and executive jobs in the workplace but could not give themselves credit for their ability.
They saw themselves as succeeding either because they were lucky or because they worked harder than anybody else - but not because they were intrinsically good at what they did. Subsequent research has shown that the term can be applied equally to men.
The odd thing about the impostor phenomenon is that it seems to affect people who are genuinely successful rather than people who fail. The "impostor" may gain promotions, may be praised by colleagues, may be in demand among customers, yet he or she feels like a fake. Instead of basking in this praise and approval, the affected person lives in fear of being found out.
Another curious thing about people who feel like impostors is that they are less likely than others to behave like real impostors. For example, a study of college students found that those who felt like impostors were less likely than other students to cheat.
"Impostors" seem to dread the arrival of the day when their work will be judged, so they have developed ways to put off the evil hour. One is to put off starting tasks for as long as possible, always completing them just before the deadline.
The other is to start work on a project long before everyone else, perhaps dragging out the preparations interminably and continuing to work beyond the point at which others are finished.
Putting the work off until the dead- line is nigh, as I have done with this article - allows the "impostor" to say the work was so rushed it was pure luck that it was any good. This neatly avoids the question of whether the person is inherently good at the job.
The strategy of working interminably on the project allows the "impostor" to assert that anybody who put in this amount of work would be bound to succeed - again, avoiding the issue of his or her personal qualities.
The research on the impostor phenomenon has mainly concerned itself with the workplace and with college studies. However, I have no doubt that it applies also to relationships. The person who cannot take a compliment may be an example of someone who feels like an impostor.
My own phrase for this is "the ah shure syndrome".
"Aren't you really marvellous to have rescued your aunt from that burning building?"
"Ah shure, I was heading in the direction of the door anyway and she just kind of clung on to me."
If you feel like an impostor and someone expresses love and admiration for you, you will conclude instantly that they don't know what they are talking about. You believe that if they find out what you are really like, they will no longer admire or love you. To avoid this fate, you may have rows with people when they get too close. Indeed, you may even walk away from them altogether.
It's a painful phenomenon and one that may be more prevalent at home and at work than we realise. I think it is also very difficult to get rid of but awareness is the first step to reducing its influence on our lives.
Padraig O'Morain is a counsellor and his blog is at www.justlikeaman.blogspot.com