TVScope Jacky JonesFair City, RTÉ 1 Thursday 8 p.m.Poor Barry. He seems to have changed overnight from being a mild mannered boring man, to a guy with a lot of problems. His behaviour is being labelled "stalking" by his ex-partner Sorcha which it isn't. Not by a long shot.
What we are actually seeing is the impact of a relationship breakdown on the person who has been rejected. Barry is responding as most people would to this situation by exhibiting anger, denial and depression. What he's doing amounts to harassment but this is not stalking. While Barry's feelings do not give him any rights over Sorcha and she is perfectly entitled to leave a relationship, his behaviour is understandable if not acceptable. It is a pity he didn't sack her when he discovered her affair with Ross and her abuse of her position as a teacher.
Stalking is a very different kind of problem to what is being portrayed here. It includes behaviour which can appear normal and inoffensive while at the same time managing to convey a menacing sense of obsession. It is a very difficult concept to define due to its paradoxical way of simultaneously involving conformity and criminality.
The behaviour causing concern is usually an over amplification of normal behaviour. This is not like Barry's behaviour. He is clearly a man experiencing genuine pain, distress and disbelief - all normal reactions to Sorcha's desertion.
Her manipulation of ex-husband Miles is classic. Many of us go back to familiar territory or second best as a way of coping with relationship breakdown. Miles' pathetic attempts to sort Barry out are only making things worse. What Barry needs right now is a friend who will listen and be non-judgmental. Threatening to arrest him will not help at all and I'll bet Miles would not suggest this if his ex-wife was not involved. Does he still love her, one wonders? I predict lots of fun on this show over the next couple of weeks.
On a more serious note, this latest soap storyline highlights the importance of communication skills in human relationships. The ability to express our feelings in a healthy way, and ask for our needs to be met in a way that respects the rights and needs of the other person, are key skills for the development of healthy relationships.
Some facts about real stalking:
Most victims are female.
Episodes last on average one to two years.
Motivation is control and intimidation.
One in eight adults have experienced stalking.
A majority of women being stalked have reported stress levels that interfere with their daily lives.
A third of victims have reported being physically assaulted .
Jacky Jones, regional manager for health promotion, Western Health Board and member of the National Obesity Task Force.