Been there, done that: students’ post-Leaving advice to parents

Robyn Gilmour (18), first-year student of English and philosophy at UCD, did her Leaving Cert last June at Our Lady’s School, Terenure, Dublin.

I approached my final year of school with the mentality that the Leaving Cert is the end game, that everything else could go on hold and that there would be plenty of time for socialising in college.

This had a drastic impact on me towards the end of the year. You can’t do the Leaving Cert by yourself. You need friends around you.

I lost sight of every other element of life, which made me completely exam focused and, despite what people think, this is not a good thing.

You should encourage your child to continue most or all of their extra-curricular activities as it can often be the distraction needed to defuse stress and send your child back to the grindstone with a clearer head. I would leave it down to the student to recognise when the matches or late-night rehearsals are getting in the way of study.

As a parent, I would keep an eye out for signs of stress or anxiety. I can only advise you to be a shoulder to cry on. I was an antichrist around the exams, crying and then verbally abusing anyone who came to my aid. I think I just needed some form of release.

DO Be patient and empathetic. Sometimes we need someone to read between the lines and understand what we can't say. DON'T Be fooled that the Leaving Cert is the end of the world. There are so many other elements of a person that the Leaving Cert doesn't take into account.

Eoin Corbett (20), on a gap year before studying film and TV production in the Institute of Art, Design and Technology, Dún Laoghaire, Co Dublin, did his Leaving last June at CBS Thurles, Co Tipperary.

Your child’s life is going to be busier than it has ever been, so try to ensure that your relationship with your child stays healthy, as they have enough on their minds already. Try to be a constant, supportive figure in their lives; it will help them more than you may ever know.

Remember your child is under extreme pressure already and constantly nagging them to study will often do more harm than good. I think it’s helpful to be involved in your child’s study in some way but remember this is their Leaving Cert and they probably know what they’re at.

Food is so important. Try to make sure they are eating well and guide them on what is going to help them study. Don’t let your child be the one surviving on cans of energy drinks and sugar rushes.

DO Help your child to choose what they want to do [after school]. This is an extraordinarily hard decision for them. Ensure they don't want to study a course just because it sounds impressive or because they think they'll make lots of money. DON'T Think you're being helpful by nagging your child constantly. Your most important job is to support them and make their Leaving Cert experience a little bit easier.

Ryan Mangan (19), second-year science student at NUI Galway, did the Leaving Cert at St Jarlath's College, Tuam, Co Galway, in 2013 and repeated in 2014.

Positive mental health is best maintained by healthy routines, so I’d encourage you to make sure the home environment makes it easy to maintain them.

You as parents may be going through tough times but try not to argue or give off negative vibes in front of us. This sounds selfish but the reality is that the year is ours and we need to be a bit selfish to succeed. Instead of laying down rules for the entire year, I believe it’s best to take each week as it comes.

As someone who repeated the Leaving partly because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to pursue as a career, I know how hard it is to decide. We don’t need the added pressure of our parents telling us what to stick down on the CAO, or what they think is the right path to follow. If we feel like we’re being forced into anything, we’re naturally going to lose interest in our work.

Ask your teenagers what they’re interested in applying for. Never expect their decisions to match yours and please be ready for them to change their minds.

Also, don’t expect the year only to bring us CAO points. During my second Leaving Cert, I had my first poem published and went on to pilot Ireland’s first team for the world’s largest youth slam poetry festival in the US. It was a life-changing experience that had nothing to do with points.

DO Support our decisions – when we're comfortable with our own goals, we'll follow them. Most of us want to do well for ourselves, so trust our means of getting there. DON'T Spread negative vibes or nag.