Padraig O'Morain's guide to managing life
Back a few years ago, our local supermarket had a bread bin filled with loaves baked the previous day which it sold at a discount.
There was, to the casual eye, no difference between one loaf and the next.
One morning I spotted a man going through the loaves. He picked them up one by one and scrutinised them as if to be sure he was getting the best loaf.
When I left he was still there, still going through the loaves. I was mentally looking down my nose at his indecisiveness when I realised with horror that I do the same thing myself. I don't do it with loaves - I do it with choices.
Should I ring person A or person B to look for information?
Should I take my summer holidays on the sixth of the seventh or on the seventh of the sixth?
Should I buy the Spanish wine or the Chilean wine?
Choices are scary.
Some people seem to think they'll go straight to hell if they make a choice and it turns out to be mistaken . Perhaps they've been told something toxic like: "You've made your bed and now you must lie on it" - which is like saying that anyone foolish enough to make choices need expect no mercy if their choices go wrong.
But opening your eyes to the fact that you could be making choices which are better than the choices you are making now can be liberating.
This idea is one of the foundations of Reality Therapy, a counselling method devised by Dr William Glasser. Reality Therapy is based on the idea that we are all the time doing things to get us what we want but that sometimes we need to choose new actions instead of repeating ineffective ones.
It's like checking all your pockets a dozen times because you can't find the key to the front door.
After the first couple of times you can be pretty sure you haven't got the key and you need to make a better choice - like making a tearful telephone call to the person who does have the key.
Choosing to ring that person could be embarrassing if you told them an hour ago that you never wanted to talk to them again.
That's the other thing about choices: they can be painful.
Choosing to tell the office bully you'd like them to stop what they're doing, choosing to tell your adult children you're not going to do their laundry anymore, choosing to cut out the drugs and booze which are destroying your life, choosing to walk into a crowded room although your heart is thumping with fear, all these are painful choices.
But sometimes painful choices lead to liberation. And if you make the wrong choice? Who says it's wrong? Maybe it's just worked out differently to how you planned it and maybe you are still on a better road than the one you were on before.
Next time you are looking at a situation that concerns you, or even just thinking about some important aspect of your life, ask yourself two questions: First, Is there a choice I could make which might be better than the one I'm making now?
Second, is there a choice I'm afraid to think about but which might make a big difference to me and to those who matter to me if I could let myself implement it? As the Reality Therapy people are fond of saying: "If you keep on doing what you're doing you'll keep on getting what you've got."
Difficult choices:
• Making choices can be scary - but choices are the key to change.
• Sometimes we make the same ineffective choices over and over again and end up trapped in situations which hurt us.
• If you ask yourself whether there is a choice which might be better than the one you are making right now, you may begin to see a way forward.
• Even painful choices can sometimes lead you to a better life.
Based on the ideas of Dr William Glasser, who developed Reality Therapy and Choice Theory.
Weblink: www.angelfire.com/ab/brightminds