Padraig O'Morain's guide to managing life
'Acknowledge your feelings, know your purpose, do what needs to be done," sums up the philosophy behind an approach called Constructive Living.
Constructive Living in turn is an American interpretation - by psychologist David Reynolds - of Morita Therapy, developed by a Japanese psychiatrist, Shoma Morita, in the first half of the last century.
The basic idea behind Constructive Living is that we can choose to live moment to moment in a purposeful way whatever our feelings may be.
Now, "purposeful" does not necessarily mean high-falutin'.
Personally speaking, my purposes are usually pretty mundane: get out of bed, pay a bill, make a phone call. Sad, I know, but there it is.
Now, my feelings may tell me to stay in bed, to stuff the bill in the back of a drawer and to postpone making a phone call which might be quite unpleasant.
That's grand, Morita (as interpreted by David Reynolds) would say. Feel that way by all means. But just get out of bed, pay the bill and make the phone call anyhow. There's a good lad.
In other words, you don't sit around worrying about the feeling, what it means, where it comes from, how to get rid of it and all that. You just do what needs to be done.
Most people live by this doctrine in important matters. You're sitting in the dentist's waiting room.
Your toothache has disappeared. From inside the surgery the whine of the drill starts up. Your feelings scream: "Get out!"
By and large you don't get out. You sit there like a good soldier and march in when called and take your medicine, however unpleasant.
You must not avoid experiencing your feelings, though. To achieve that, you would have to numb yourself with alcohol or drugs, or bury your emotions so much that you were no longer functioning fully as a human.
What you do is acknowledge your feelings and let them accompany you, so to speak, while you get on with doing what needs to be done.
Feelings, Morita says, are like the Japanese weather: sometimes cloudy, sometimes sunny.
So you don't let them dictate - though they might inform - what you do next: you know your purpose and you do what needs to be done.
If your purpose is to relax, then you switch off the mobile, put on your tracksuit and chill out on the sofa - or whatever else you do to relax - even though your feelings may be telling you to switch on the laptop and get working on that spreadsheet.
If there's a blocked drain somewhere and it's all appearing in your backyard then what needs to be done is to ring some nice people who will come out with a mega-power hose and blast that blockage into oblivion. Your feelings may be telling you to curl up in a corner and die. That's fine, but just make sure you ring the guys with the power hose, OK? Because curling up in the corner and dying won't clear the drain - I know this because I've tried it and it doesn't work.
Usually, when you've done what needs to be done you'll feel better. Actually, often you'll feel great.
The Morita people are a bit hardcore about this, though. You shouldn't do something because it will eventually make you feel better, they declare. You should do it because it needs to be done, full stop.
Whatever about that, the Constructive Living philosophy can open doors in your life. You'd like to go to Majorca but you're afraid of flying? That's alright, all you have to do is get on a plane to Majorca.
Three hours later, you might still be afraid of flying but at least you'll be in Majorca.
Constructive Living
• The ideas behind Constructive Living can be summed up in the motto: "Acknowledge your feelings, know your purpose, do what needs to be done."
• Your feelings will chop and change, sometimes from minute to minute. Acknowledge your feelings and experience them, but base your actions on your purposes.
• Constructive Living is based on American psychologist David Reynolds' interpretation of the therapeutic philosophy of Japanese psychiatrist Shoma Morita.
Weblink: http://www.todoinstitute.org/