Despite the prevalence of domestic abuse, many still don't know where to turn for help, writes Carl O'Brien, Social Affairs Correspondent
YOUR SILENCE feeds the violence. So goes the latest advertising campaign aimed at drawing back the curtains on violence in the home and directing people in abusive relationships towards support.
Yet, despite the well-meaning campaigns, there’s still widespread confusion and unease over what to do when confronted with domestic violence.
Even the official website which accompanies the campaign set up by Cosc, the State’s advisory body of the national Office for the Prevention of Domestic, Sexual and Gender-based Violence, offers guidance but leaves many questions unanswered.
Should you phone the Garda? Or would that make things worse? What about approaching the abuser? Or would that put the victim at even further risk? What about alerting social services? Maybe that could be prying into people’s private lives.
What’s worse is that the confusion and uncertainty seems to be replicated at official level.
Most agree that services aimed at responding to domestic violence, whether from local government, the HSE, gardaí or non-governmental organisations, are woefully unco-ordinated and have developed in a piecemeal fashion.
It’s little surprise, then, that the first national survey into public attitudes to domestic violence shows many are reluctant to intervene in cases of abuse, especially if it affects someone outside their close circle of family or friends.
While an overwhelming majority – 94 per cent – said they would help a friend, 65 per cent said they would help a stranger and just 38 per cent said they would help a neighbour being subjected to domestic abuse.
When asked what they would do if they suspected a friend was a victim of domestic abuse, 95 per cent said they would talk to their friend. A large majority – 87 per cent – said they would encourage the friend to contact the Garda, 74 per cent said they would speak to other friends about the problem and 43 per cent would report it to the Garda themselves.
It’s clear that much of the unease over intervening is due to a range of fears and doubts, rather than just apathy or a lack of compassion. When respondents were asked the reasons for not reporting abuse, the greatest concern was getting involved in other people’s business (88 per cent).
Other reasons included the fear of making matters even worse (75 per cent), concerns that it might result in the removal of children from the family (73 per cent), or that it would not improve the safety of those involved (70 per cent). Some 52 per cent said they feel gardaí would not treat the problem seriously enough.
So what should someone do? The truth is there are no easy answers. The most important response, say support groups, is everyone in society has a responsibility to support victims of abuse, provide an understanding ear and know where to go to get expert help.
For groups such as Women’s Aid, the key to providing support and help is that the victim’s safety remains paramount.
“Support her as a friend. Encourage her to express her feelings, whatever they are. Allow her to make her own decisions,” it says. “Don’t tell her to leave the relationship if she is not ready to do this. This is her decision.”
It adds: “If she has suffered physical harm, offer to go with her to a hospital or to see her GP. Help her to report the assault to the police if she chooses to do so.”
Cosc, the State body, also emphasises the importance of allowing victims to make any decisions for themselves, and not interfering in a way which can put a victim at further risk.“Always prioritise safety – yours and theirs,” Cosc says. “The abuser won’t appreciate you getting involved, so be careful about what you do and where and when you do it. Confronting the abuser is not a good idea.”
There is also the problem that straightforward solutions are not always as clear-cut as they seem.
For example, Women’s Aid says that after leaving a relationship, women can become more vulnerable as they may not be eligible for legal protection.
“About 1,000 of callers to our helpline each year are being abused by an ex-partner, to whom they had never been married, leaving them outside the remit of the domestic violence legislation,” says the group’s director, Margaret Martin.
Underfunding of services is also a problem which means that support services are not always able to provide a proper response to victims. Studies show, for example, that almost 90 per cent of women who suffer from domestic violence do not leave the family home because they have nowhere else to go.
Accommodation for abuse victims is an obvious solution, but groups such as Sonas Housing – which supports abuse victims – say there is an urgent need for more supported housing and a national strategy to co-ordinate services.
“A woman is at greatest risk when she leaves or when she has just left a violent partner,” says Sharon Cosgrove, chief executive of Sonas. “Supported transitional aims to empower women and support them to independence over the course of two years.
“However, these services are dependent on funding as well as having adequate move-on options into social housing or the private rented sector at the end of the transitional period.”
The head of Cosc, Éimear Fisher, concedes that support services are too fragmented at present but says that work is under way to help provide a more co-ordinated response to victims.
Cosc, in consultation with other groups, is drawing up a national strategy to be published later this year which will set out a general vision, along with objectives and actions to tackle domestic crimes in a more co-ordinated manner across the public service and beyond.
The grim irony about the State’s patchy response to abuse victims is that we know domestic violence is widespread across society, yet it remains a hidden and tragic issue. Almost half of those surveyed in the Cosc report published last week said they know someone who has suffered from violence in the home.
Against this backdrop, the words of former victims of abuse like Margaret Costello – who now works with the HSE’s northeast regional planning committee on violence against women – should act as a clarion call to the rest of society.
“Not doing anything is the worst possible response,” Costello says. “If no one says anything, then we are allowing the violence to continue.”
How to help: practical tips and where to go for support
Ask them how they are. Let them know that they can talk to you.
Assure them that you are there to help should they need it. For example, you could agree a code word or signal they could make when they are in need of help and/or are unable to access support themselves.
Always prioritise safety – yours and theirs. The abuser won’t appreciate you getting involved so be careful about what you do and where and when you do it. Confronting the abuser is not a good idea.
Find out information on available support services (available on www.cosc.ie) and encourage them to contact a service so that they can make informed choices.
If you would like advice on how best to safely support the person you are concerned about, you can contact one of the national helplines:
Womens’ Aid national helpline: 1800 341 900. Open from 10am to 10pm, seven days a week.
It offers confidential information, advice, support and understanding to women who are being physically, sexually or mentally abused in their own homes.
National Rape Crisis 24- hour helpline: 1800 778 888
Aimed at both men and women who have experienced sexual violence.
Amen can be contacted on: (046) 9023718, open from 9am to 5pm Monday- Friday.
Its emergency helpline outside these hours is 086 194 7270.
Amen is a voluntary group which provides a confidential helpline, information and a support service for male victims of domestic abuse.