MIND MOVES: "No worries" is a catch phrase exchanged readily between good friends these days. It's a simple blessing, but one that often proves hard to live up to.
People who worry live in a strange world. It's a place full of frightening scenarios that rarely come to pass. The French philosopher, Montaigne, captured the essence of worry when he remarked, "My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which have never happened." Even when bad things happen, they are rarely as bad as we imagine, and our worrying blinds us to our coping resources that kick into action when we most need them.
When we worry our thinking mostly concerns the future. These thoughts are dominated by the anticipation of, and attempts to avoid, negative events that we think might happen. Basic fight-or-flight responses are activated as the body prepares us to either escape the imagined threat or deal with it. But the scenarios we fear do not yet exist and most probably never will. There is no one to fight and nowhere to run. The only option is to freeze, to procrastinate and give ourselves over to further worry and rumination. Our bodies carry the cost of this worrying. We experience persistent tension that can give rise to headaches or vague somatic pains.
One man described his existence as one where he constantly "had two nines dialled". The edginess this produced was necessary, he believed, to maintain him in a state of readiness for some disaster that would inevitably strike. His chronic state of anxiety became, in turn, the evidence that something awful could happen, and he worried even more as to what that might be and how he could avert it. This cycle of anxiety gradually wore him out, reduced his ability to concentrate on the job at hand, and perform as well as he might have in his work.
One of the reasons it's so hard to ignore our worries is that we harbour a suspicion that by worrying we may prevent bad things happening. A mother may believe that by worrying for her children's safety, there is a reduced chance that any harm will come to them. And when nothing bad does happen, as is so often the case with our worries, her superstition is reinforced. People may point out that we should "stop worrying", that it is "pointless to worry" or that "it gets you nowhere", but it's hard to give it up when there is even a remote chance it might save us from harm.
We may also worry so as not to think about what's really bothering us. When our minds are dominated by worry, our emotions become temporarily suppressed as the body prepares to deal with some threat. Worrying about unlikely dangers may allow us to avoid thinking about the current issues that are undermining our sense of safety - a troubled relationship, an unresolved conflict or a loss. People who worry often locate in the future some painful experience that has already occurred, but which is too painful to contemplate.
Worry reflects an unsuccessful attempt to feel safe when you feel insecure. If it has any value, it may be a signal that you need to return to safety and ground yourself in whatever way works for you. Who are the people, what activities or places help you to recover a sense of calm and trust in yourself? What are the real issues that require your attention and what resources can you call on to help you cope with them?
Anchoring yourself in the present moment, through attending to your breathing and the tasks in which you are currently involved, can ground and steady you when worry pulls you into possible future nightmares. Focusing on the rhythm of your breathing can help you break the grip of worry and relax. Or focus on the activity you are currently engaged in, and value it for its own sake rather than dwell on possible outcomes. In writing this column, I can choose to worry about how it might be viewed by you the reader at some point in the future.
This worry builds up my anxiety and probably reduces the chance of my doing a half decent job. But I can also choose to focus on the challenge of trying to describe a fascinating cognitive process to which we are all prone, and become excited by new questions and perspectives that emerge as I carry out this task. Focusing on doing what you are doing, be it washing dishes or clearing your desk, rather than the outcome of that endeavour, keeps your attention where it is most needed and frees you from worry.
Worry is a signal that we are not feeling safe in the world. Use it as your cue to take time to re-focus your attention on what really matters in your life. When you become grounded in the present you will find it easier to tolerate uncertainty, and trust in your capacity to deal with whatever the future holds in store for you. When you have that, you can rest a little easier and perhaps open yourselves to the blessings of others when they bid you to have "No worries".
Dr Tony Bates is principal psychologist at St James's Hospital, Dublin, and author of Depression: a commons sense approach (Newleaf).