Many mothers visit parenting websites as a real solution to the isolation they can ofetn feel as parents, a new report reveals, writes Sylvia Thompson
PARENTING WEBSITES are a real solution to the isolation felt by mothers of young children, according to a new Irish study.
Recognition of the expertise of parents themselves, gender differences in parenting and the myth of motherhood [ie as a natural process that you don't need to learn] were the dominant themes discussed by contributors to a prominent Irish parenting website, researcher Ellen Brady found.
"I come to the discussion board to get help from other parents stuck in the same situation. I have enough of lofty theories in the books on the shelf," says one mother on the site.
"Others [on the site] can understand all the different emotions, confusions, frustrations. Real-life friends are just too busy and don't want to hear or just don't understand it," says another forum member.
Brady, a final-year psychology student at University College Dublin (UCD), says that her study found the website to be a safe and supportive environment for the almost exclusively female posters (ie contributors to the site).
According to Brady, another key aspect of parenting sites is that it allows parents to build up a frame of reference - drawing on both personal experience and practical information - that they can compare with their own experience.
"The superiority of mother as caregiver was acknowledged on the site and at times this provided empowerment against the medical establishment," says Brady.
The study also found that feeling underappreciated by their partners - despite doing more domestic work and childcare, was a dominant theme on discussion boards. "They think that just because you are breastfeeding, that you are solely in charge of the baby," says one mother.
Many of the posters to the site also wanted to dispel the myth of motherhood by highlighting both the positive and negative aspects of parenting.
"Motherhood is not the romantic, all happy, coochy coo experience that some people might lead you to believe," explains one mother. "Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic and I wouldn't change it for the world and I love my two kiddies but by God, it's hard sometimes and it can feel that there is no end to it at times," she adds.
Commenting on the research, Geraldine Cahill, breastfeeding tutor and ante-natal teacher with Cuidiú, the Irish Childbirth Trust said: "These sites are very valuable for mothers but there is sometimes a need to balance the information content. For instance, there needs to be correct information on aspects of mothering such as breastfeeding. And, this needs to be posted on the sites in such a way that it doesn't interfere with the peer support."
Brady says that links were often made on parenting between discussion board topics and expert articles on other parts of the site. "Other researchers have also indicated that online parenting groups provide a safe, non-judgmental space in which new mothers can interact anonymously," she says.
Brady carried out the qualitative analysis of interactions on an Irish parenting website as her final-year thesis in her degree in psychology at UCD. The research includes analysis of 900 website pages.
She presented her paper at a conference on Exploring Mothers organised by the Association for Research on Mothering - Ireland (ARMI)in University College Cork (UCC) recently.
For ethical reasons, she could not disclose the name of the site in her study.
See www.armi.ie
Motherhood/work conflict: new website explores
Full-time mother in the home Meabh Smith has just launched a new website (www.mummy.ie) which aims to help mothers deal with the potential conflicts between motherhood and work.
"It's a toolbox to help mothers find their own solutions to decisions around caring for their own children," says Smith, who worked full time, part time and is now on a five-year career break to care for her three children.
The website looks pragmatically at the physical, emotional and familial issues that arise in relation to working or not working outside the home.
She also looks at perceptions and supports (or lack of them) within society that influences mothers' decisions to care for one's own children. She looks at what a mother wants for herself, the costs of giving up work and the advantages of being in the home.
And, she tackles what are often complex issues of income tax, pensions, childcare costs and incidental costs of working and not working outside the home (eg dry cleaning, car, food).
"If you choose to stay at home with your children, make a point of earning at least €1,000 a year because then you will be at least €2,000 better off after tax because Ireland's tax system favours two income families."