TV Scope: Grumpy Old Holidays, BBC 2, Tuesdays, 10pm
In Questions of Travel, poet Elizabeth Bishop agonises: "Think of the long trip home/ Should we have stayed at home and thought of here?/ Where should we be today?"
After watching the first in this new four-part series we, the viewers, would have no difficulty in advising her. "Yes", we would all shout in unison, "for the good of your health, stay at home!"
Our certainty would demonstrate the persuasiveness of the grumpies in this first programme, which did not get even beyond the horrors to be endured before reaching our destinations, let alone having to think about the trip home.
With the languorous voice of Geoffrey Palmer providing continuity, the acerbic contributions of the celebrity grumpies were a welcome antidote to the usual seductive fantasies of happy holidays featured on the glossy airbrushed travel shows.
The first obstacle to happiness is the dizzying choice of where to go, followed by the realisation that the decision of who you go with is guaranteed to destroy friendships. Then there is the exhausting list of things to do before going. Next is the stress of packing, with "women's tragic attention to detail" and their attempts to ignore the fact that high heels are not designed to be packed in a bag.
After leaving home in the middle of the night, we, the already cross and tired holidaymaker, have to endure at check-in the "heavy interrogation designed to catch you off-guard" as to who packed your bag etc, before entering the overpriced, Toblerone-filled world of departures.
There, we have to negotiate our way around either the "miserable human pile-ups of flight delays" or those who, with a grim determination that their holiday starts here, quaff pints for breakfast to the chirruping of the Birdie song.
Once on the aircraft we enter the "scrum proper" as we try to find a space for our hand luggage, only to experience the horror that the seat we prayed would remain empty beside us is now to be occupied by the obese "Mr Mange Tout".
The concept of being able to eject fellow passengers was enthusiastically supported by one contributor, as was the need to introduce a machine which would measure travellers' bottoms before allowing them on the aircraft.
When at last in the air, we have to endure the "stand-up comedy routine" of the safety drill, religiously watched by one contributor because of her fear that her failure to do so would be punished by the aircraft crashing.
However, the real salt in the wound for the hapless economy passenger is the airlines' cruelty in forcing us to walk through the luxury of first and business class before entering the steerage hell of economy.
It was the sunniest of synchronicities that this programme coincided with our heatwave, and can only have added to the smugness of the folk watching it after basking stress-free on Irish beaches.
• Olive Travers is a clinical psychologist.