Escaping the parent traps

TV Scope/Families in Trouble, Thursday, February 23rd, RTÉ One, 10

TV Scope/Families in Trouble, Thursday, February 23rd, RTÉ One, 10.15pm: This four-part series begins with a family in crisis. Emma Carlin, a 26-year-old single mum, is stuck in one of those I'm-the-mammy-get-me-out-of-here parent-traps where the kids are seemingly in control and know just about every button there is to press to cause a motherly meltdown.

Meanwhile, wedged in the difficult impasse that churns terrible-twos into happy three-year-olds are her twins Kyle and Dean who could shout, dance and scream every imaginable tune for Ireland and whose modus operandi seems to be to drive their mother up the wall.

A tired and battle-weary Emma surmises her predicament best when she says: "Having kids is a nightmare and it shouldn't really be like that. I don't want it to be that way but that's how it feels." Emma's mother, who minds the children when her daughter is at work or college, has similar misgivings: "It would be nice if they could come into your home and behave in a normal manner."

And apparently, two local creches are of the same opinion, giving Kyle his marching orders and a recommendation that he be sent for psychological assessment.

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The situation seems irrevocable until David Coleman, a Clare-

based clinical psychologist (and father of three) arrives to put things right. Initially, with the help of cameras he observes how the triumvirate operates and then replays the action to Emma. What we see is a mother fighting with her children in a number of circumstances - shopping, meals and bedtime manoeuvres could all be training ops for understanding Dastardly and Mutley cartoons.

And, when the children are not practising their tantrum techniques, they're fighting, pinching and trying to get one over on the other.

Honest and brutal, it's uncomfortable watching a young mother publicly scrutinising her own mismanagement in a psychologist's company and ours, and while the young girl's bravery is commendable, it's also very good TV because of it.

Coleman then points out where Emma is going wrong. He rightly suggests her communication is high pitched, quarrelsome and one of annoyance, and that "the only sounds we hear from you are silence or giving out". There's also too much negativity and a lack of toys and playtime is leaving the children severely under stimulated.

Later, Emma reflects where she's been going wrong: "After I saw the footage of myself, I felt they were nearly always in a hostile environment, and I made a promise to myself, and to the children, that things had to change. It was my attitude that was making the kids crazy."

Coleman's philosophy is to give parents the skills and confidence to turn around their family's problems for themselves by empowering them to take control. To do this, gives Emma tips on everything from observational commentary to behavioural management.

With parameters at mealtimes and bedtimes set, punishment lines drawn and enforced, the family settle into a routine that allows for regular playtime and enough interaction to the satisfy the lads' needs. During this time, Coleman plays the psychologist in the house, stepping in to adjudicate as problems arise.

Two months later, the Carlin family is at one again. According to Emma, "compared to what we were, we're now a proper happy family that communicates and there's total harmony in my home now".

Directed by Garry Keane, produced by Liz Faulkner and narrated by Tina Kellegher, there's something here for everyone with children, or children with parents, no mater how good or bad they seem to be.