THE BIGGER PICTURE: When we are brave, our life changes. The search for bravery within ourselves, however, can be a confusing and elusive path.
It's ironic how so much of being brave is actually about being scared in the moment. Rather than knowing we are brave, we tend to find out afterwards - when our friends notice it and reveal it to us upon reflection.
It is more an awareness delivered in hindsight than something we are conscious of while we demonstrate it. Yet, every day, someone, somewhere is being brave.
We do not need bravery in easy moments, to make clear-cut decisions and walk well-paved paths. We need it in the most difficult of times, when things are confusing and we are uncertain of our direction. And so, in those times, when we are actually brave, we rarely feel it - not even strong.
The widespread impression of the "brave" seems to be a confident, independent individual. It is a person who seems fearless and unaffected by what anyone else might think. Someone who needs no one, somewhat isolated. Despite being neither realistic nor true, this model affects how we judge ourselves and our own moments of bravery.
In reality, we are brave in those places where we are most frightened and know least what to do, and still continue to do something. In fact, the opportunity to be brave arises only when we are pushed to our maximum.
More than feeling cool and collected at this point, we are likely to feel we are falling apart.
We can feel terrified, unsure, searching and questioning - unbearable, like this is not a choice but something that must be done. In this way, we do not choose to be brave - we are compelled by our own sense of what is meaningful to us.
Bravery is necessary in life. It allows us to be ourselves, forge out a direction different from the choices of others, and bring into our world things that are important to us. It is a requirement, if we are to change the course of our lives, if we are to be challenged, learn and reflect that growth in our lives.
When we are brave, we are driven not by what feels easy or comfortable, but what we believe makes sense. It takes real courage to be true to one's own thinking, despite what everyone else seems to need or prefer.
While it can be a lonely and isolating time, these aspects do not define the brave. They are what sometimes happens when someone acts strongly around those who have less courage. In truth, it is only possible to find great strength within yourself when you have already known what it means to be loved.
In order to find strength and direction in the most difficult times, it is essential to clarify who you are, what's important to you and identify your priorities.
These are the seeds of bravery. Only from this foundation can you nurture a confidence in your direction, especially if it seems you alone will walk it. If you don't know where you belong and what you believe in - if you cannot remember a greater reason for forging this path - it will eventually become impossible to stay with it when the tunnel turns out to be long and you can't quite see the light at its end.
We all need to be understood and approved of at a fundamental level. We also need encouragement and appreciation to take our own steps - to trust our own thinking and learn from our unique rises and falls.
Many of us have experienced humiliation, even rejection, when we've reached for our own paths. This can accumulate into enough hurt and fear that just expressing ourselves comes to feel like we're taking a risk.
It is a journey to consciously discover who you are - your influences, strengths and values. The more you discover this, the more possible it becomes to be brave.
When faced with conflict, great difficulty or a dilemma, it is this deep-rooted self-knowledge that will make it possible to move through challenges in a way that is productive, beneficial, perhaps even pioneering - this is the essence of bravery.
Furthermore, it is faith in this knowledge of self that can also give momentary relief from the struggle when things are most difficult.
Finally, nothing in this world stands still. As much as it is important to do things differently from those around us, it is important to notice when we must do things differently from our own histories. What defines human intelligence is the ability to respond to new information. Our knowledge of ourselves should grow every day, bringing a need to take new directions.
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is acknowledge new information and so make a new response, one that is different to what was comfortable, proven successful or made sense in the past. There are times in our lives when we have to change course. This demands the greatest courage. It is when we come through these moments that others will remind us that we were brave.
Shalini Sinha has established Forward Movement, a clinic where she practises life coaching, the Bowen Technique and is studying nutritional medicine.