The Bigger Picture: We have a rights-based society and, as far as I can tell, this has brought us down the wrong road: we make a mistake in fighting for our rights.
I realise this is potentially a controversial statement. I'm sure my colleagues in the equality and justice arena will be the first to argue against me. Their work has often come to focus on a fight for our universally declared human rights.
Indeed, in our individualistic society, we have legislated for a number of specifically defined human rights, and so it gives us a premise from which to argue against injustice. It doesn't change the fact, however, that our attention on rights has gone way out of perspective.
Human rights are our last stand. They represent a most basic plea to the world to pay attention and challenge our experience of injustice. It marks a moment when things have gone too far and where there has been no intervention. It is a final plea for a voice hoping to be heard. And often, at this stage, it is. When we hear the phrase, "violation of human rights", we stand up and listen. We will not accept this.
And so, the fight for rights occurs when things have passed into the worst, most extreme scenario possible. For some reason, it has not been addressed earlier. Thoughtless and bad treatment has been allowed to continue, and we have either not thought to or been unable to change it earlier on.
Indeed, we could never have changed it by ourselves: rarely does change in the world or within our self occur because an individual achieved it. Generally, change requires the input of more than one person and often an entire community.
I am a believer in the idea that prevention is better than cure. This doesn't mean that cure is not necessary from time to time. We do experience things in life that we didn't foresee or for which we had no previous information.
Furthermore, it makes sense that we are not able to plan for everything. Life is a journey of learning. We aren't born knowing everything. The more we try, and learn, the stronger we become as individuals.
Thus, every now and again we will find ourselves in a position where we've finally realised something we had not seen before, and at this stage things will more than likely have gone "too far". These are the moments of great lessons, not small adjustments. They require a radical response from us - a cure if you will.
However, this is not meant to be a regular perspective on life. These are special circumstances and, so by definition, few. In general, we ought to be taught to pay close attention, notice subtle impacts, apply our thinking and respond - well before the extreme occurs. If we took the subtle signs more seriously and acted, we would not have nearly the destruction we see in society today. This is a position of responsibility.
Furthermore, there is something deeply social about being responsible, and we are (as is famously quoted) social animals. Being responsible means opening ourselves up to noticing and doing something about what is happening to others.
Our attention, therefore, goes to community and social relationships. In this way, we are forced to focus on and nurture our connectedness with others. This, inevitably, improves our health.
To be able to be responsible is to be able to be empowered. A lack of responsibility means disempowerment. We see this in our society. People will choose suicide, self-harm or eating dysfunction simply because it is the only place in their life they feel they have a choice, some form of control. It is the mechanisms of the ultimately silenced, frustrated and disempowered. And this perspective can gain momentum.
When we care for someone it is essential that we think about this. We must not create a situation where someone becomes less responsible for themselves than their physical abilities allow. If this happens, we have actively disempowered them. Rather, each one of us needs to be pushed to take on our full responsibility - within our true abilities - for the sake of our health and lives. This is paramount.
There is much going on in our society that allows us, even encourages us, to be less than ourselves. We live in a world that finds it common, even realistic, to settle for less, see ourselves as inadequate, stop believing in others, and hold out little hope. To compensate for this, we are taught to fill our bodies, minds and minutes with meaninglessness. As a result, we have become dissatisfied and complacent - irresponsible.
Our individualistic society has created this need for rights. It does not reflect the truth within us. Rather than fight for our individual boundaries, we must fight for our growth, potential, connectedness and good health. When our society becomes responsible, not only will we care for the needs of others, but it is inevitable that others will be caring too.
PS: A heartfelt thank you to all those who sent me warm wishes for my anniversary in Ireland. It was better than any party.
Shalini Sinha practises life coaching and the Bowen technique in her clinic, Forward Movement.