A changing Irish society means it is becoming more difficult to get foster carers With 4,700 children in foster care here, Sinead Mooney looks at the challenges facing the carers who have all the duties of a parent but none of the rights
'Love is not enough. You can love them to pieces but you have to understand them," says Michele Savage of her role as foster carer. Married with two grown-up sons, she began fostering in 1992 and since then has cared for more than 20 children. Some stayed with her only a few days or months. One child has been with her for 11 years.
There are about 5,200 children in the care of the State. Of these, 4,700 are in foster care. Foster children can be any age, from newborn babies right up to 17-year-olds, and the reasons why children are in care can be as varied as the children themselves. Parents might be ill or simply going through a difficult time and need a break. Other circumstances are less benign, and substance abuse, addiction and neglect on the part of parents may result in a court order removing the child.
In Ireland, any person or family can apply to the Health Service Executive (HSE) to become a foster parent, and this includes single people and same-sex couples. The assessment process can take between five and six months and includes Garda checks and a medical examination.
"The assessment process is about getting to know the people and them getting to know the system. The best way to think about it is, if your own children were going to stay with a stranger, what would you want to know about them?" says Mary Cummins of the HSE's Family Placement Initiative.
Training of more than 30 hours is provided and covers legal issues, safety, potential problems and ensuring appropriate contact between carers and the children.
However, a changing Irish society means it is becoming more and more difficult to get foster carers. "There used to be a ready-made supply of mammies at home. Now more people are working outside the home," says Annette O'Malley of the Irish Foster Care Association. This is echoed by Mary Cummins: "There's a sense that people often feel that they ought to be working. All the emphasis in society is on childcare to ensure that people can work outside the home."
Cummins believes it is important to keep the idea of fostering in the public domain, and now the HSE is looking for foster carers from immigrant communities. "We have unaccompanied minors coming into care and it would be better for children to be in their own cultural and ethnic group," Cummins believes.
For those who do decide to foster, one placement can be enough for them, and retaining foster families is a persistent problem. Nor is it always easy to place certain children - teenagers and sibling groups in particular.
Talking to Michele Savage, the word "challenge" crops up a lot when you imagine more colourful language could be applied to some of the behaviour she's had to deal with. "Screaming, hitting, biting, kicking - anything that will let them get their anger out. If you have a child who has had many placements, it can be very damaging. They have no power over anything that is happening to them so they will try to get power - be it squirreling away food or maybe deliberately wetting the bed."
Has she had any children who she knew she just couldn't cope with? "There have been children in my care that, had I been asked to look after them long-term, I would have said no. Your chemistry and a child's chemistry are not always going to mix, so perhaps parting is the best for both of you."
If foster parents run into problems outside office hours, they can find themselves on their own. There is no dedicated 24-hour support service for foster families. "It is a gap," admits Pat Whelan of the Irish Foster Care Association. "If you have a problem on Friday night, you will have to wait until Monday and even then you might not get anyone - your social worker might be in court or off that day."
If the problem is very serious, parents can contact the Gardaí who in turn have access to on-call social workers. However, the HSE points out that only children deemed suitable are placed with foster carers.
Nevertheless, it can be a delicate balancing act between your needs, the needs of the child and those of your own family. Any starry-eyed notions of fostering are quickly dispelled by Annette O'Malley: "People start to foster out of the goodness of their hearts and because of goodwill towards the child. You get your child and it's fantastic. Then you get their social worker and your social worker. Then you realise they have access with their mother one day, with their father another day, maybe another day with their siblings. Each child comes with all of that. They also have educational assessments and hospital appointments. It's not as easy as just getting the child - it's everything that comes with that child."
The weekly payment to foster families for a child under 12 is €302; for over-12s it is €332. "This covers everything - Santa presents, clothes, food, holidays, etc. If you consider what you can pay for a pair of runners, it is not much. There are easier ways to earn money," says Annette O'Malley.
With limited budgets and heavy workloads, the turnover of social workers can be high. Michele Savage cites some children in care for nine years who have had 11 social workers. As a foster carer, does she find herself biting her tongue a lot? "It can be frustrating. Because you are not a professional, you might not be listened to but you know the kids. Children aren't cars to be parked in a spot just because it's free - it has to be right for the child. You have to let your head rule your heart, but if in your heart you know that someone else's head is wrong, by God, you'll make your point for the best interests of the child."
Are there divided loyalties for children between foster parents and their natural parents? "It can be confusing. They've been exiled from their families and have to be a new person in a new land. But parents should know we are not replacing them. We are supplementing them."
She keeps in touch with some children after they leave. "We exchange Christmas and birthday cards, and texting is great," she says. Other children she doesn't hear from, and sometimes it can be heartbreaking to say goodbye to a child.
As the legislation stands, a foster carer has all of the duties of a parent but none of the rights. These remain with the natural parents and, depending on the circumstances, with the HSE. The Irish Foster Care Association is pushing for foster parents to be eligible to sign medical consent forms as well as school parental consent forms. A very small number of foster children do go on to be adopted, but HSE's Mary Cummins is quick to point out this is rare indeed. "Don't come with that hope," is her warning.
Michele Savage herself was adopted, which she believes shaped her decision to become a foster carer. "I remember being very small, maybe four or five, lying in bed and wondering: if I wasn't here, where would I be? That's a very big thought for a little child."
However, she has never considered applying to adopt any of the children she has fostered. "Adoption isn't always the answer. Everyone thinks about ownership of children, but kids own themselves."