ASK THE EXPERT Getting children into good sleeping routines is the ultimate aim for many parents, writes David Coleman
WE HAVE a 16-month-old boy who has not slept a full night in what seems like forever and no baby or parenting book seems to cover our particular problem!
When our son was born he suffered from colic and reflux, so developing a sleep pattern was no easy task and until he was six months old he never slept more than two hours at a time.
Almost a year on, things have deteriorated to the point that we have not had a full night's sleep for months. He has a good bedtime routine (bath, beaker and bed), we put him in his cot and he goes asleep on his own in his own room (which is fitted with blackout blinds) soothing music playing softly, no soother.
However, he wakes crying every night (with no consistent pattern). We let him cry for a couple of minutes, then we go in and lie him back down and mostly he goes back to sleep quickly but this could happen six or seven times every night.
To add to our problems, he suffers from regular bouts of coughs and cold, which our GP has related to teething. These bouts occur about every two weeks and they make his sleeping pattern even worse - despite pain relief and cold preparations.
It also makes us wary of leaving him crying for any period of time, as we are unsure if his cries are due to teething, illness or just habit! We would be very grateful for any directions.
SLEEPING (or not sleeping) habits are consistently the most common issue that I get asked about in relation to small children.
As you recognise, routine and rhythm are really helpful for children to develop their sleep schedule. It sounds like you have a successful night-time routine in place for your little boy.
You may or may not be aware that sleep occurs in cycles and for a child his age that cycle probably lasts about an hour. So, in a 12-hour night your son may go through 10-12 cycles. During that hour-long cycle your son is falling deeper and deeper asleep. Eventually he gets to what is called stage four, or slow-wave, sleep and this is the most physically restful kind of sleep we get.
After spending some time in stage four, his brain comes to near wakefulness, even though his eyes remain closed. This stage of the cycle is called REM sleep (rapid eye movement sleep). It is during this stage that it is believed that we dream. The function of dreams seems to be to consolidate new learning, to process emotions and so on.
REM sleep is also the most likely stage at which a child will come fully awake (as your son does). Your son has, I think, got into a habit of calling out when he wakes during a dream like this, for a bit of comfort and company. Naturally, he has come to depend on your response to help him settle back to sleep.
Two things come to mind as suggestions for you and your son. Firstly, I wonder about the soothing music you play as he falls asleep. It is very likely that he has become conditioned to feel sleepy and drowsy while it plays. Does it play continuously during the night? It may be that he relies on it to help him sleep when you are not there.
If you can't, or don't want, to leave it to play through the night, then you need to get him used to falling asleep without it at the start of the night. We all can settle back to sleep easier when the conditions in which we wake are the same as when we fell asleep.
My second thought turns to your child's overall personality, as it may be that he has a very busy and active temperament. If so, it could be that his brain is an especially busy one such that his dreaming too continues at an intense and stimulating level. If this is his nature then it may only be time and maturity that will allow him to sleep uninterrupted for longer.
With very active dreamers, having a very regular daily routine and rhythm will help as it will reduce any anxiety he might feel about unexpected events in his day that he needs to then process at night.
Other than these ideas, I think you are adopting the right approach by being prepared to soothe and settle him when he wakes, even though the cost is great to your own rest and recuperation from the "busyness" of the day.
I'd be willing to bet you are not alone in your disrupted nights' sleep. The only consolation may be that, eventually, this too will pass. Hang in there!
David Coleman is a clinical psychologist and broadcaster with RTÉ television. He is currently recruiting teenagers for a new TV show; full details can be found at www.firebrand.ie
Readers' queries are welcome and will be answered through the column, but David regrets he cannot enter into individual correspondence. Questions should be e-mailed to healthsupplement@irish-times.ie