Mary Lynch knew there was a chance she would have some difficulty conceiving, but didn't think it was going to be this hard. This is her story, as told to Fiona Tyrrell
INFERTILITY COMES as a big shock. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets, because of the added pressure of time running out. I have been trying to conceive for six years now. I am 39 years old.
From the age of 30, when I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries, I knew that I was likely to encounter some difficulties conceiving, but I had no idea that it was going to be this hard.
When I got married I started trying to have a family and my GP put me on clomid, which is standard for people with polycystic ovaries. We tried this for five months, but had no luck.
The next level of treatment was IUI (intrauterine insemination). After four attempts with IUI we moved on to IVF (in vitro fertilisation).
I found the whole IVF regime very difficult. Initially, they shut down your hormones. This brought on very low moods. I felt like a zombie. Then they ratchet up the hormones, which caused huge mood swings.
With each stage you don't know if you are going to make it on to the next. It took two months from the initial stages to the final realisation that it hasn't worked. It was a rollercoaster.
Last February I started a new regime called NaPro through a private clinic in Galway. It is a natural procreative technique pioneered in the US. It adopts a holistic approach to conception and involves medication, hormone treatment and supplements, as well as big lifestyle and dietary changes. It is also used for women who suffer repeated miscarriages.
Compared to my experiences with IUI and IVF, I feel that I am being treated as a whole person. Previously, I found consultants dismissive of my opinions and my emotions. Now I am encouraged to engage with the process.
Polycystic ovaries is an immune-linked syndrome and is also linked to insulin resistance. Part of my new regime is to eliminate anything that will exacerbate it - anything that will raise my blood sugar too much. I have eliminated wheat, sugar, coffee, eggs, dairy products and all refined carbohydrates. I have also been getting acupuncture, and reflexology to help reduce stress.
The NaPro system has been a life-changing experience for me in many ways. I have lost a lot of weight and the pre-menstrual tension I used to experience has disappeared. I am feeling a lot better about myself.
It is recommended that you try this regime for 12-18 months. I am five months into the programme and I am feeling very positive about it.
I went through a couple of bad years with anger and despair. Now I have become more accepting of my situation.
Still, I feel that I am in limbo, while everyone around me is moving on. My friends are now having their second and third children.
In many ways, I have put my life on hold. In a bid to reduce stress in my life, I gave up a full-time job last Christmas. Now I work part-time as a freelance management development consultant here in Limerick. I was doing a Master's degree, but I have put it on hold.
It was only with the third attempt at IUI that I really started to consider infertility a big problem. At first, there was disbelief - then the realisation hit home. Combined with that there was a sense of failure. This sense of failure pervaded my whole life.
All I could think of was: other women can do it so easily, why can't I? I had achieved so much in my life; I couldn't come to terms with not achieving something that is supposed to come so naturally.
One in six couples experience problems with conception, but you never hear about it. That all changed when I started going to a support group a year ago. It has been hugely helpful. It has taken the shame out of my situation, and made me realise that I could have much worse things wrong with me.
I am naturally a very private person. Going to the group sessions, I learned the importance of talking about things. It helped normalise my fertility problems. I wouldn't be talking publicly about it if it wasn't for the group.
I also discovered that talking to friends, even ones with children, was helpful. It is easy to think that anyone with a child will not understand - sure they don't have the same experiences and they won't have felt the baby hunger, but they still can listen and help.
Although the issue of infertility has been in the media a good bit recently, I think there is too much focus on IVF and too little attention on the emotional issues that surround infertility.
There is also not enough guidance for couples at the beginning, when they are just encountering infertility for the first time. Support for men is also seriously lacking.
IVF is so expensive and there are a lot of people with vested interests involved in it. I paid €4,200 for my one attempt. When you are going through infertility you are particularly vulnerable. You want a child so badly that you don't question anything, challenge anyone, or consider walking away.
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Support for fertility issues
INFERTILITY CAN be a very isolating experience, but people must remember that they are not alone, according to Helen Browne, co-founder and chairwoman of the National Infertility Support and Information Group (NISIG).
The organisation holds support groups in Cork and Dublin on a bi-monthly basis. Talking to people who have had or are having similar experiences can be a great help, according to Browne.
Infertility is defined as a couple's inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse by the World Health Organisation. A fertile couple in their mid-20s having regular sexual intercourse has approximately a one-in-four chance of conceiving each month.
The ability to have a child is taken for granted by most people and by society in general, but one in six couples do not conceive on their own, and seek help to achieve a pregnancy, according to the association.
The emotions individuals and couples may feel while dealing with infertility are "similar to feelings experienced on the death of a loved one", according to NISIG.
"This is because the dream of having a baby has died with the inability to become pregnant. Especially during the first three to four years of married life, many couples are regularly hurt by insensitive remarks made to them as to why they do not have children.
"Child-focused celebrations, such as Christmas or Mother's day, can be hard to take due to relentless advertising portraying happy families with children."
For further information, contact NISIG's helpline on 1890-647 444 or see nisig.ie