THAT'S MEN:Try to instil authentic pride and not hubris, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN
READING RECENTLY about the subject of pride, I recalled two men whom I had known fairly well in the past, though not as friends.
One was proud and self-deprecating and was liked. The other was proud and puffed himself up and was disliked.
The first man was proud because he generally tried to do things well and in accordance with his values and he generally succeeded. But he believed anybody with his opportunities in life could do this if they put their minds to it and if they made the effort. That’s where the self-deprecating part of his character came in.
The other man was proud because, well, he thought he was the bee’s knees. It wasn’t so much that he felt proud of his accomplishments, at least one of which I know was based on an idea he stole from somebody else (not me). He was proud in that arrogant style of people whose self-esteem runs away with them. This sort of pride is called hubris. It is summed up in the remark that “that fellow is too full of himself”. As far as the hubristic person is concerned, his achievements are due not to the effort he makes but to the fact that he is just wonderful anyway.
Pride has had a bad press lately. People who got too full of themselves seem to have been blinded by their own hubris with consequences we know all too well.
Pride also had a bad press in our culture traditionally. Up to very recent decades, pride was frowned upon. I don’t know whether this can be laid at the door of Mother Church or that of the peasant society from which we recently emerged.
There was a strand in that society which believed in cutting down anybody who thought they could rise above their circumstances – it is well expressed in Brinsley MacNamara’s novel The Valley of the Squinting Windows.
It’s interesting, then, that studies reported in the latest issue of The Psychologist show that pride of the first sort, the one based on real accomplishments due to effort, is actually attractive.
In one study, students were heaped with praise for achieving impressive test results. Subsequently, these students were rated as more likeable by others than the students who had not been heaped with praise.
People who appear to have pride are more likely to succeed in job interviews than those who appear lacking in pride, another study suggests, even when the CVs of the latter look better on paper.
Indeed, when we meet somebody who appears proud, head held high and so on, we tend to assume that they are of a higher status than their fellows.
The hubristic ones, the ones who are full of themselves, are not as well liked as others. Moreover, hubristic people tend to be prejudiced against outsiders – the opposite is the case for those who experience what might be called authentic pride.
I said above that up to recent decades pride was definitely not valued by Irish society. The important thing was not to entertain (at least openly) any notions of getting above your station in life and to make sure children had absorbed that lesson by the time they grew up.
Today, many of us go to the opposite extreme of praising children for everything they do regardless of the quality of their effort.
I’m all for boosting children’s self-esteem, but I wonder if we are still failing to get the balance right?
The challenge is to instil authentic pride and not hubris in our children and in ourselves.
In the coming years, as we beat ourselves up as a society and go around looking for people to blame for the sins we are currently paying for, don’t throw pride out the door.
Pride in accomplishments due to effort is still well worth cultivating, both in the country and in ourselves. Hubris? Well, we’re probably in little danger of falling into that just now.
Padraig O'Morain (pomorain@ireland.com) is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His book, Light Mind – Mindfulness for Daily Living, is published by Veritas. His mindfulness newsletter is free by e-mail