The Bigger Picture: What makes us happy? This is a question that has occupied scholars, philosophers and spiritual sages for thousands of years.
In my explorations for justice and liberation, a few things have struck me about our society and the human experience. Dare I take a stab at answering that question?
Our society has developed a trend of believing that happiness is achieved by gaining pleasures. This is a mistake. Rather, happiness and pleasure are two different things.
There is ample evidence for our current preoccupation with the pursuit of pleasure: the lure for and use of pleasure-inducing drugs has become quite normal; the consumption of chocolates and sugars is nearly a prerequisite for having a decent life.
We are obsessed with entertainment, insisting that all our ventures necessarily resolve into happy endings. We have become a very individualistic society in which the whims of one are more important than the impact on the whole.
To take this a step further, a major influence in our world is now advertising. In this, the biggest players seem to continually opt for a process that highlights and nurtures feelings of inadequacy, loneliness and rejection within us. They compellingly argue that buying their product will improve our wellbeing. We will feel better. Thus, the dominant proposal is that pleasure provides a solution to our struggles.
And yet, pleasure doesn't bring happiness. As much as it tantalises, pleases and distracts us, its character is temporary. It comes and goes, fleetingly, often lasting only a few minutes. It is, as we know it, an illusion.
This is not to say that pleasure isn't, well, pleasurable, or that we shouldn't enjoy things in life. Life with joy is a life that is full. Fun, excitement and the stirring of the senses are natural aspects of who we are. However, a life focused solely on being full up with pleasures is not satisfying. When the pleasure fades, we are left empty. Pleasure itself doesn't create anything greater.
In reality, pleasure can go terribly wrong. We can become addicted. We misunderstand the effects of pleasure stimulation on ourselves. Our lack of insight can lead not only to tragedy and destruction, but deep pain - a state far from happiness.
From this, isolation and individualism grow. From this, we discover one of the most interesting secrets about life and happiness: human beings must be connected. It is of paramount importance to us. We need each other and the love we receive from others.
Ironically, to ensure there is a supply of love available to us, we need to ensure the needs of those close to us are being met. If they are being ignored, neglected or abused, their love cannot reach us. It makes no difference whether we are responsible for their suffering or merely witnesses to it. In the end, we lack their love and so we too are suffering.
There is a beautiful circle in humanity. As much as we need to be loved, we have a need to be loving. Only when there is an uninterrupted flow of give and take can love gain the strength and momentum required for it to reach us all.
Thus, the needs of a mass of people become very important to the survival of an individual, and are more important than any one person's desires.
I understand that many of us are still reeling against historical experiences of a collective having of more importance than the individual. Our recent memory is of a society where individual expression was silenced in the name of a greater good. Our images of this time are not of happiness, but of control. We were repressed and suppressed. We don't want to go back to giving things up for each other.
However, it is not true that the needs of the group are inherently at odds with those of the individual. Where things have gone wrong is with the idea that to create a community, we must make everyone the same. In fact, what builds community is our love for each other - our connections. Not only is the annihilation of personal uniqueness unnecessary, it is also hurtful to the group.
Without love, there is no connection. Without connection, there is no meaning. And, it turns out, meaning is the most important thing to us.
We are beings that require meaning. When it is absent, we go in search for it, sometimes in all the wrong places. However, unlike the quick and temporary character of pleasure, happiness is a slow-burner.
It comes directly from taking action that adds meaning to our lives. Nurturing our connections, ensuring those around us are practically loved, adds meaning. This is true regardless of whether these actions were easy or pleasurable at the time.
Ironically, what breeds happiness in the human species is often exactly that which was hard for us to do. It may have been difficult, but it was meaningful, and so we find ourselves with a very good reason for doing it.
Shalini Sinha practises life coaching and the Bowen Technique in her clinic, Forward Movement.