THE BIGGER PICTURE Shalini SinhaNelson Mandela is famously known for repeating a quote from Marianne Williamson's poem, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
A profound insight and reminder: Within each of us is greatness. What we might fear more than anything is the possibility of that greatness. Somehow, we have become frightened to show ourselves completely.
Often, what we are struggling with has little to do with what's happening around us right now. Rather, it is an internal struggle with roots in events from long ago.
Our early experiences play a role. When they get stuck, they grow and gain momentum over time. Our fears grow. If you've tried learning downhill skiing as an adult, and watched the five- and seven-year-olds racing by you, you've noticed this. In the absence of healthy attention and resources, our hurts come to control our lives.
The first time we are hurt, and not facilitated to recover, we lose some perspective. When these hurts are reinforced by seemingly recurrent events, we get left with rigidities: ways of surviving, patterns that help us navigate around these hurts.
As much as individuals have patterns, so does society share and reinforce patterns collectively. And so, we do our best, but fall short of modelling hope for each other and encouraging us to be great.
Our hurts gain momentum. If we had the opportunity to recover from them fully when we were very young - when we were more flexible, hopeful and believed in people more - we would have moved forward and grown much bigger in ourselves.
We would have learned to respond differently, got smarter and become more effective every time society mistreated us again. We would have grown to be powerful agents, shifting the balance of power from entrenched discouragement to intelligent intervention, demanding to be ourselves.
Most importantly, we would have become able to assist, even lead, society in breaking down the more widespread struggles. Rather than stay trapped in a moment of powerlessness, we would have been able to strive to be great.
Our current struggles have less to do with what is happening to us now and much more to do with what happened long ago. This truth does not invalidate what we are experiencing in the present. It reminds us to notice that we could be different.
Support, assistance and healing early on would have allowed us to develop more skills, greater insight and a very different attitude. We can still do this for ourselves now. Knowing our greatness is a real possibility today.
There is a problem. The longer we have a struggle - that is, the more often the scenario is played out in the same way without a change in our response or environment - something new happens. That struggle changes in dimension. Without any new inputs to the situation, we start to believe it. We identify with it.
Somewhere deep down inside, we start to think that we are small and insignificant. This is no longer just part of a history we experienced. We take it on a personal perspective that we will be continuously overpowered.
We defend the view that we must guard ourselves from others, be cautious about trusting, and hold back from really deep connections and commitments. We even tell ourselves this is smart.
This gains momentum. We believe these characteristics are inherent in our personality: we are just shy, quiet, not bothered, don't "give too much away". We defensively suggest we are happiest this way. This is a lie (even if we don't realise we're lying to ourselves).
Holding ourselves back does not bring greater happiness than feeling we can fully show ourselves without fear of being attacked. Believing that our struggles will always be repeated, and that our world will always be bound by their limits, does not make us happier.
Our greatness is there - at every moment, in every situation. We may not have tested it for some time - challenged, demanded or expected anything of it. But, it is there. We were born with it and it endures. We know it exists because we want more. And, it is not too hard to reach. There is a struggle to get to it. But it is there for us to have, right now.
Our struggles are not taking place now. They took place a long time ago. It is unlikely we will ever be in that position again. Whether or not we feel it, we have grown up. We have much more power and resources available to us now. Our struggles are just feelings - terror, grief, disappointment, sorrow, rejection and shock. This is what we bring to the present. We don't have to. They can be healed. We can be great.
Next week: healing these struggles - the connection between reaching for our greatness and the liberation of our mental health.
ssinha@irish-times.ie
Shalini Sinha has founded Forward Movement, a clinic where she practises life coaching, the Bowen Technique and is studying nutritional medicine.