Is Bebo bad for my children?

Ask the expert: David Coleman on social networking websites

Ask the expert: David Colemanon social networking websites

I SAW an article in this paper last week about kids and social networking on the computer. Is this a bad thing? My 14-year-old daughter spends as much time as she's let on the computer on Bebo, or webtexting or whatever it is she's doing. Should I be worried?

NO, I don't think social networking on the computer is a bad thing. Although, as all our parents would have told us, "too much of anything is a bad thing". So moderation is the name of the game.

It is interesting that in your e-mail you comment about your daughter using the computer as much as "she's let". That suggests to me that you are already thinking that it is a good idea to restrict her access.

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Her virtual social networking needs to be balanced with real life networking; hanging out with friends and involved in school and activities outside your house. That is the ideal.

Both the ease of communication and the wide extent of communication are good things (your decision to e-mail me, for example, shows just how handy it can be).

It's good that teenagers can be in contact.

The way words are used online, including things such as "emoticons" or acronyms to further describe the feeling behind what is said, is possibly the next development in the evolution of language. That is not a bad thing either - it just requires some getting used to.

Social networking online is a huge phenomenon and the millions and millions of users around the globe can't all be getting it wrong.

Part of the reason that we parents get stressed about it is that often we are uneducated about what it involves and why it is so attractive to our teenagers. Teenagers need safe, adult-free zones where they can be, and interact with, other teenagers, and for many Bebo-users especially, that is how they view the site.

Of course, there are adults using Bebo but generally not the restricting, authoritarian adults that teenagers struggle with, and most teenage users probably believe that the site is really only populated by other young people.

To touch briefly on your second question though, within this belief lies one of the potential dangers of these sites - the information you view about anyone else may be false and misleading.

Your daughter may believe she is instant messaging another teenager in the United States, for example, when in reality it could be a 47-year-old man who has created a false online profile.

Making contact with lots of friends on any social networking website is the main function they have. You can share stories, news, photos, gossip, videos and more with either just your chosen friends or with the world. What most of us forget is that anything we upload to a public space on a website will have the potential to be there forever, because even if we subsequently remove it, someone else may have downloaded it to upload again at a later date.

Teenagers are not known for their foresight and planning, so it is quite likely that they could impulsively upload some embarrassing photos for a laugh.

It has already happened that some employers are now paying companies to trawl the internet looking for any information about prospective candidates for employment.

Would you want a future employer looking at pictures of you throwing your guts up or mooning with your mates?

Bullying online is also easier and more faceless, and you'll often see hurtful comments being passed, profiles being altered, humiliating photos being posted or children being deliberately excluded and removed as "friends".

All of this hurts just as much as in real life.

However, just because there are dangers, this is not a reason to be overly worried about your daughter using Bebo, or any of the networking sites. After all, life is full of dangers.

What you are always striving to do as a parent is to minimise risk. In online networking terms that means it is wise to remain cautious and vigilant.

For now, most of us can still monitor our children's use of the internet by having the computer in a public place in the house.

Talk to them about what they are doing online and about what information they are sharing about themselves with "friends" and making public in their profile.

It is also always wise to warn them about meeting online friends in real life.

If you want to educate yourself (and your 14-year-old) further, there is a great Irish website, webwise.ie, which has been developed by the National Centre for Technology in Education.

It has information about the technology involved and the benefits, risks and how to keep safe online for us parents, as well as similar but separate information for children and teenagers - it is well worth a little surfing.

David Coleman is a clinical psychologist and the author of a book on parenting called Parenting is Child's Play. He has also presented two series of Families in Trouble on RTÉ television. He is currently working on a new series called 21st Century Child, due to be broadcast in April.

Readers' queries are welcome, but David Coleman regrets that he cannot enter into individual correspondence. Questions should be e-mailed to health supplement@irish-times.ie .