‘My family and friends have been brilliant over the years’
JEANNE McDONAGH
Jeanne McDonagh (40), a public relations manager from Dublin, knows exactly what the extreme highs and lows feel like as she has been dealing with the condition since she was a teenager:
WHEN I was 15 years old, I was very tired all of the time and although I went for lots of physical examinations and numerous hospital tests, nothing was concluded.
Then in my early 20s, I began displaying different symptoms with destructive highs and lows in terms of mood which would change rapidly from one extreme to another.
I went to a number of doctors to try to find out what was wrong, but nothing was diagnosed until I met my current doctor, Prof Patrick McKeon (founder of Aware), who diagnosed a specific form of bipolar (dysphoric elation) and began treating me for the condition.
Before his diagnosis, I had no idea what was wrong with me, even though I now know that it is very prevalent in both sides of my family. So when he told me I had bipolar disorder, I was actually relieved as I had something tangible to research and was given ways of helping myself to recover.
I was admitted to St Patrick’s Hospital in Dublin where doctors were able to treat the illness, find the correct medication for the chemical imbalance in my brain and teach me how to relax and to cope.
In some ways, this was one of the best periods of my life.
I met some great friends, could talk openly about the illness, could see a noticeable change in my behaviour, outlook and thought process and was finally in a safe environment after years of being very scared.
I was put on a long-term range of mood stabilisers and other medication which I still take daily. Most antidepressants take a while to kick in – mine took about eight weeks to start working and then another few months of tweaking the dosage. Sometimes it takes a long time, so I was very lucky.
The medication varies slightly when the seasons change which is the only blip I notice these days. But I deal with that through exercise, mindfulness, some sun if I can get it and having close friends who look out for me if I get a little too high or low.
The only real side effect of taking medication regularly is that I gain weight easily. This is annoying but I guess it is also a symptom of turning 40. On the plus side, I seem to have developed more of a tolerance to the sun so I tan much easier than I used to. My husband is Sicilian so this is a great bonus as we go there quite a bit and my skin doesn’t burn like it did in the past.
My family has been brilliant over the years – really supportive, getting me all the help I needed. I was also lucky to have some great friends who stood beside me despite my erratic and sometimes hurtful behaviour. I really treasure their understanding, open-mindedness and friendship.
When I got out of hospital and still needed to talk to people who understood the illness, I used the Aware helpline which was also a great support.
But I have a very logical way of problem solving and this opened avenues for me to look into. It never really held any stigma for me as I always found and still do, that “right-thinking” people do not react or hold it against me as I am perfectly able to manage a high-pressure job – press queries, deadlines, event management – and all the other aspects of my work and life without it having an impact.
Also I have always been very open about my condition as I think it is helpful to me and to other people. I was hired more or less straight from St Pat’s by the Bar Council, by my chairman at the time, who knew fully about the illness but was open minded enough to offer me the job anyway with huge support.
This lack of pressure made me even more determined to do well and he is a great friend to this day. At this stage, I think most people have forgotten I have depression, and some will be quite startled to realise I have.
However, depression is really common in Ireland – I have rarely met someone who hasn’t been touched by the disorder in some way. So there is nothing to be ashamed of – indeed some of the world’s greatest leaders, artists and writers suffered from depression. Help is widely available these days and, as with all things, making the first step is the hardest. It can take some time to find the right solution but the benefits are so worthwhile.
It still amazes me that so few people talk about conditions like this unless it is in relation to someone famous or in a negative way, particularly as some of the most interesting people I know have depression.
In conversation with Arlene Harris
BIPOLAR DISORDER: RECOGNISING THE SYMPTOMS
The depressed phase involves:
Feeling sad, anxious or bored.
Low energy, feeling tired or fatigued.
Under- or over-sleeping, or waking frequently during the night.
Poor concentration, thinking slowed down.
Loss of interest in hobbies, family or social life.
Low self-esteem and feelings of guilt.
Aches and pains with no physical basis.
Loss of interest in living, thinking about death, suicidal thoughts.
The symptoms of elation are:
Feeling elated, enthusiastic, excited, angry, irritable.
Increased energy, “never felt as well”, over-talkative or over-active.
Reduced need for sleep and marked difficulty in getting off to sleep.
Racing thoughts, indecision, jumping from one topic to another, poor concentration.
Increased interest in pleasurable activities.
Excessive and unrealistic belief in one’s ability, or having grandiose plans.
Being unaware of the physical symptoms of illness.
Taking reckless physical risks.
It is recommended that you seek professional advice if you experience five or more of the symptoms above, for a period of two weeks or more with little or no respite.
For more information visit aware.ie
SOPHIE EVELYN
Sophie Evelyn (40), designer, had no experience of bipolar before having her first child:
IT HAPPENED during 2004 and it was kind of a gradual onset. I had had my first child – a boy – and the first six months or so were perfect. There was no sign of things to come.
When my son was nine months old,we were moving house and I was working full-time as a web designer. Basically I was under a lot of pressure. We’d been to a wedding in the US and that’s when it came to a head and I got really ill. I had no experience of bipolar before this, none at all. I’d suffered a bit of mild depression in the past, but nothing major enough to even stay home from work. I was diagnosed with postnatal onset of bipolar disorder. It was bipolar 2.
My first episode was quite manic. I wasn’t sleeping and I was totally hyper. I felt really scared because I knew something was very wrong. I had mania, racing thoughts, strange ideas and a sense of impulsiveness. It affected my sleep and I started to write these mad equations, trying to work out what life was about. I was fixated with life and death and bringing up a child and what my role was as a person shaping somebody else’s life.
My husband was really concerned and he took me to the GP. I was taken to St Patrick’s Hospital and I was given tranquillisers and kept in for about two weeks. When I came out, I wasn’t well at all. But there was very little support. I was on a lot of medication so I was kind of like a walking zombie for a good while.
As a mother, I felt very nervous. I also felt suffocated. I know it sounds terrible, but I didn’t feel comfortable having someone depend so wholly on me. I felt like I was faking it all the time, trying to be a happy mum, putting on a brave face. My husband said I always managed to appear cheerful, even when I wasn’t.
I had a relapse in November and another in July the following year when I was staying with my parents in the US. The hospital in the US was quite amazing. The nurses were available all the time to talk and there were group workshops that I found great. After that I gradually improved.
My husband was completely amazing, really supportive and understanding. After I came out of hospital, he started looking after our son a bit more. He had been very hands off before that, probably because I had been so competent and so in charge, I was always like, “no, Ill do it”.
That was the beginning of a better period. I started a Fetac course and I got into photography and I found that took me out of myself a bit. By the time my son was 3½, I was pretty well and it felt like it was all behind me.
I was coming to terms with the diagnosis too, knowing that I would have to be on lithium for the rest of my life. My son was doing pretty well; he had been on a rollercoaster. There were long absences when I was in hospital. I felt those absences to the extent that I desperately wanted to get out, even to the point where I’d lie about being well in order to get out.
He’s a very bright little boy. I think it made him grow up faster in a way, which is sad. Once I tried to explain it to him and he said: “But mum, I get really sad too sometimes.”
At about that time I decided to have another child. I was advised against it by my psychiatrist who said there was a 75 per cent chance of it recurring. I took myself off everything without psychiatric supervision because I wanted to get pregnant. Lithium, for example, can cause heart defects so I knew I couldn’t be on that although it was probably the most important medication to balance my bipolar.
When I became pregnant, I was assigned to a psychiatrist who spent a lot of time trying to prepare me for the fact that it would bring on another episode. And it did. They were right to prepare me but they were kind of doomsday-bearers too. There was a 25 per cent chance that it wouldn’t happen but they were talking that it would happen no matter what. I felt angry about that. I’d been through it and because I knew what could happen, I thought I won’t let it happen. But it’s one of those things – you can’t stop it coming.
My second child was born in July 2008, another little boy. About three days after the birth, the psychiatric nurse appeared at my bed and she was just so negative. She said, “You need to stop breastfeeding, you need to go on medication immediately.” But I didn’t want to. I had this beautiful new baby and I felt she was ruining it for me.
When my son was about eight weeks old, I had a bad manic episode. My husband called the GP and I went into a psychiatric hospital and they put me on a lot of tranquillisers. I sunk very quickly into depression and was depressed for a good while again. I had about two more hospitalisations after that.
Last May, it was my 40th birthday and I was stuck in hospital. That wasn’t pleasant at all. I’ve gradually started to feel more like myself since then.
My family has been very supportive and my mother-in-law has been incredible. She has minded the kids when I’ve had a bad time or when my husband has had to travel for work; she has come and stayed so I have an extra pair of hands to help out.
I started having individual therapy, which wasn’t really therapy in the end, it was more like life coaching and I found that really helpful.
My husband encouraged me to do another course and so I started doing pottery and I absolutely love it. When I’m doing it, I don’t think of anything else, I’m completely absorbed. I also started making jewellery, porcelain pendants using recycled glass, handmade at my kitchen table and that’s gone really well. I’m loving it and getting sales just makes me feel fantastic.
My children are doing great. They are eight and nearly four and they are a handful. Whenever I think of the psychiatrists saying “don’t have another child” and I see my youngest, I’m so glad we ignored them.
It has been a rollercoaster. It has been hell for a lot of people, especially my husband. He has been amazing. He has been more understanding than I could ever have expected. For the future, it’s my family and my business. I’m just going to try to stay well and positive. I feel like I’m on the right medication to keep everything in check and I just have to be careful to get the right amount of sleep, eat well and not to take on too much. I feel like I have come through the woods.
In conversation with Joanne Hunt
See sophieevelyndesigns.comand Duggan's Jewellers, Fairview
