Surge in online dating has changed nothing
BACK WHEN I used to read the lonely hearts ads in the Irish Farmers Journalto pass the long, rural evenings, I noticed that older men tended to look for younger women as future wives. Nothing has changed since then judging by an analysis by the dating website ukcupid.com of the preferences of 200,000 of its members.
Men still go for younger women but, the author of its analysis argues, they could be losing out because older women are more adventurous than their younger counterparts. A 30-year-old man sends as many messages to 18 and 19 year olds as to women of his own age, and far fewer to women a few years older, the analysis shows.
Women mostly message men their own age or older. In their 20s they message younger men, too – but once they turn 29 they largely stop contacting significantly younger men. Cougars, it seems, are the exception, not the rule.
Women start to get fewer messages from the age of 21, with the frequency falling below average from the age of 31. Might younger people be more internet-friendly and might this explain that phenomenon?
Men start to get fewer messages from their mid-20s, but the number of women contacting them doesn’t fall below average until they pass the age of 36.
The website, however, points out that older women can be more fun, and that men would do well to review their preferences.
Women in their mid- to late-30s are more likely to list sex as a favourite activity than do younger women.
And – not that the readers of this newspaper would be interested in such behaviour – 40 per cent of 35-year-old women said they would be interested in a threesome that included another woman compared with 29 per cent of 24 year olds. Oh, and older women prefer to dominate in bed while younger men prefer to be dominated.
A word of caution: before you risk getting your arm broken by looking for a threesome, consider the possibility that some of these women are wind-up merchants. Or am I being impossibly old-fashioned?
Some 96 per cent of 36-year-old women said they were okay with a relationship that wouldn’t lead to marriage. Believe that and you’ll believe what they say about threesomes.
If this has all piqued your interest in online dating, you might like to know that The Irish Timeshas an online dating service at dating.ireland.com. Discerning people all, and none of that English carry-on.
More on fun following a recent column on how engaging, or being dragged into engaging, in enjoyable activities can be helpful to people with depression.
A reader who has lived with depression for many years writes: “Sometimes the norm for some people is a continual state of doom and gloom and to be happy is not normal – it’s unusual, a bit/very scary.” Some people believe it’s correct, even virtuous, “to deprive themselves of fun, happiness and a relaxed time.
“Thankfully, after a lot of work to help myself, I am beginning to see the ridiculousness of these beliefs,” says my reader.
“It’s great to be noticing this change arising naturally, and I’m noticing what I like to do and it really pleases me.
“While I feel scared to let go, I am for the first time in my life willing to go through the fear and I can see I genuinely want to be happy. It is a huge breakthrough for me.
“The fear is okay, it’s a natural reaction to my life’s experience to date, but I would like to experience something happier: it’s the best gift I can give to myself.”
Padraig O'Morain (pomorain@ireland.com) is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His book, Light Mind – Mindfulness for Daily Living, is published by Veritas. His mindfulness newsletter is available free by e-mail