The Bigger Picture:What does it take to learn something completely new? Many of us chose paths earlier in our lives that developed certain skills and experiences, but now feel this isn't quite what we want to continue with. More of us just want to broaden our experience and express different parts of ourselves.
Yet, learning something new - perhaps even radically different to what we've always done - is a daunting prospect.
The longer we have been doing the same thing, the harder it is for us to make a change. Others identify us with it, we identify ourselves with it, and we can't remember if we ever felt unsure with it or if it was ever difficult to learn in the first place. The leap to something different just feels too great.
The truth is, we can each learn anything. If you took away our fears, hurts, inhibitions and past discouragements, what each of us has is an open mind - hopeful and interested in participating with the world. Because of this, we truly can achieve anything we put our minds to, regardless of how we might be feeling. Doing so, however, means getting past those fears, hurts, inhibitions and past discouragements.
Now, just because we can learn anything doesn't mean it makes sense to learn just anything. We get to be picky, discerning. After all, it takes a great deal of hard work, energy and determination - not to mention, time - to learn something new. Thus, it might as well be something that touches you, gives you joy, adds meaning to your life, improves quality and/or relationships, or is simply fun! It's your life, so spend it in ways that are enhancing to you.
What it takes to learn something new - be it a skill, language or new way of thinking - is humility. This is not the same as humiliation, which is what most of us feel when we first try something completely out of our experience. The two are closely related and easily confused. Humility requires strong self-esteem, a firm belief in ourselves. Humiliation, on the other hand, occurs when our self-esteem has come under attack. Most of us have experiences of this growing up - in our families, in playgrounds and in school.
The fine line between humility and humiliation occurs at the point of encouragement or discouragement. Did you ever notice that the subjects you loved at school were the ones where you loved your teacher? Did you ever notice that your "favourite" subjects changed from year to year as your teachers changed? Those who nurture encouragement, pride and self-esteem are the greatest teachers.
In contrast to humiliation, the position of humility makes it possible to foster a truly powerful respect for the craft you are only beginning to engage with, for those who have mastered it, for those who will teach it to you and for those (like yourself) who are only just beginning with it. With humility and respect, one can foster love and compassion - the most powerful tools that allow us to learn anything.
Still, do not make yourself dependent on others to provide these things for you. It would be a shame if you were waiting for others to help you "fly". When we are children, we absolutely rely on the adults around us to nurture us. But it is also their job to teach us how to nurture ourselves (a step I think most parents miss in their struggle to do the best for their kids). If we didn't receive this as a child, it is possible - even essential - for us to take charge of it for ourselves now as adults. This is our journey.
So, how do you do it? Here are a few steps: First, make a clear, unshakable decision to know that you are a good person with talents, strength and thinking, and that you deserve love. (Don't be naive and think this isn't work. It's hard work to begin with, but makes a difference if practiced for even a minute a day.)
Second, notice who around you is positive and encouraging to you, and develop those connections. Limit how much you take on board from those who are negative and discouraging.
If you have to be around someone who is continuously putting you down (your boss, your teacher, someone in your family), be aware of it and don't confuse their struggle as something to do with you.
No matter what your worst fears are about your struggles or weaknesses, do not give them any time until you have really strengthened that part of you that knows your goodness. Trust me, you have talents and beauties that make this world better. You deserve encouragement, attention and the opportunity to show them.
Finally, remember you want to have joy in your life and this can only begin in your own heart. Boredom drains energy and dulls the spirit. Challenge yourself. Treat yourself with respect and appreciation. Then, explore your imagination, take risks and let yourself shine. With this, you'll have no regrets.
Thank you to all who have been supporting me as I learn something completely different - Irish dancing - before your very eyes on TV, in Celebrity Jigs 'n' Reels.
Shalini Sinha provides life coaching and the Bowen technique for clients all over Ireland