The Bigger Picture: Our lives are shaped by the perspectives we hold. Some of our perspectives are helpful to us, some are not. We might not have noticed what caused us to carry a particular perspective, but they hold power nonetheless.
If we want to change the path of our lives, we need to become aware of the perspectives that keep us from getting there, and change them.
Do you know what it feels like to challenge a perspective? At first feelings are always uncomfortable: resistance, even defensiveness. Sometimes we recoil. We simply don't want it. It takes an effort to open our minds - a consciousness. Despite these feelings, we must decide to find value in the idea, become humble enough to learn something beyond what we already see. Most of all, we need to let go of ideas we already have, and like.
This second piece is hardest, but most important. Most of us feel that our ideas define us - that if we risk letting go of current viewpoints, we might lose a sense of our self. In truth, our ideas ought to grow and change as we do. There is more to us than a specific set of beliefs. There is how we love, relate to and respond to life.
Letting go of current ideas is simply a tool to leave ourselves open to new ones. What is truly important to us is never lost. It just has the opportunity to grow, develop and get clearer. A new idea might give us the chance to clarify that even better. The ideas that hold us back, however, are given the chance to be let go of completely.
It helps to concentrate on changing our perspectives, and letting the decisions of our lives follow. It does not work as well to try to make a decision and then change our perspective to fit it.
For example, we might be in a job that makes us very unhappy, and yet try to convince ourselves that it is what we really need or want. In doing so, we are closed to the possibility that other paths might bring us more of what we really want.
Beginning with the perspective, and not the decision, requires faith. It puts our attention on life and the process, and not the outcome. And so, we are nurturing our quality of life, more than the details within it. This perspective is infinitely more empowering. It allows us to be open to possibilities we could never have foreseen - the unexpected - and still be in charge. This is key.
What do you want to be in charge of? The specific outcome or the blueprint? When you are in charge of the blueprint, you can let the design come to life. And as it does, it can take you places.
Having that faith is difficult. Most of us are afraid to let go of control over things we believe will give us "security". And yet, most of the things we insist on having control over don't deliver. They are an illusion.
For example, our job is meant to give us financial security. Even with this widespread belief, however, countless people each year continue to lose their jobs. As such, most of us live in fear of losing ours.
Furthermore, financial security is supposed to bring emotional and social security. Rich people are supposed to feel better about themselves and have lots of people around who love them. Yet, wealth often creates more isolation as we protect ourselves against those who may try to steal it, those who grudge it, and those who might make us feel bad about it.
The fact is, we cannot accumulate "too much" for ourselves without also becoming disconnected from others.
Financial security distracts us into materialism. When we are distracted, we are (by definition) going down a path that is slightly off from the one we want - one where we are fully in charge of our lives. This causes us confusion and gains in momentum. The longer this continues, the further we go along this path, not realising what's happened and wondering why we can't get more from our life.
Interestingly enough, financial security is not an end in itself. It's not a goal, per se. (And now you really think I'm insane, particularly as it often seems the only goal around.) Still, the fact is that money doesn't give us anything, except a means to something else. What we receive depends on how we use that money.
Money is part of a process, a tool, but void of meaning itself.
When we become focused on money as an outcome, we move away from meaning. This gap allows our insecurities to be nurtured and amplified, giving them strength. Surprisingly, the cost is our emotional security.
Some of our perspectives limit us, and some reflect a glimmer of what is really meaningful to us. Welcoming new ideas allows us to uncover more of what our values really are. Having faith in this - and so ourselves - is potentially the only thing that can ensure our security in the long run.
It means that, whatever comes our way, we will have the consciousness to make decisions that lead us in a direction that makes sense for us. In this way, we ensure our happiness. What other security is required?
Shalini practises life coaching and the Bowen technique in her clinic, Forward Movement.