Mind Moves: When a family pet dies, a family member dies and families grieve in a way that is incomprehensible to those not reared with or owners of pets.
Outsiders observing the depth of family grief often think it inappropriate, given the tragedy of human loss. This is beyond dispute. Respect for the dignity of human life is supreme.
But the loss of a pet, of that little life, that dependent, vulnerable, all loving life is a loss nonetheless of amazing proportions. And it touches us in a unique way each time it occurs over a lifetime of living with, loving and losing pets. Grief is not measurable, quantifiable, competitive or comparative. Nor is love. No pattern guides us, no warning deters us, no logic, no reason, no rational sense steer these emotions. No preparation for death shields us. And the loss of an animal is acute because animals love us unconditionally and, in turn, teach us the power of unconditional love.
Animals are not impressed by achievements or educational qualifications, by celebrity, by accent, acquisitions or accomplishments, social connections or political power. Animals are not influenced by appearance, by status, dress or wealth, accommodation or address.
Kindness, sensitivity, being allowed to live in proximity to humans, under human protection is all many pets require. A simple shelter, a safe place, enough to eat, the joy of affirmation and interaction, and considerate intervention when injured or ill: these basic necessities of living suffice for the purity of spirit of animal life.
Love of animals is not the province of the sad and lonely, though animals may counteract both emotions. It is not compensation for the unattached, because animals play unique roles in families large and small. Love of animals is not a counterbalance to social exclusion, though human acceptance rarely matches the unconditional acceptance by animals of their owners. Nor is loving animals the last recourse of the defeated, though when the chips are down, animals will never let you down. Devotion to pets is not the province of "elders" though the security, protection and companionship animals can provide in later years, as well as in early life, is enormous. And the tired stereotype of spinster with cats belongs to an era as moronically out of sync with the reality of people's lives as gender jokes and racial jibes.
Loving animals is a privilege, a gift bestowed upon us, often by parents, whose own parents bequeathed that special understanding of the significance of animals in nurturing the young, developing sensitivity, teaching responsibility, appreciation of nature, and communication at levels that are deeper than words.
What parent would not welcome a child minder who loved their children unconditionally, welcomed them home each day deliriously, befriended them continuously, guarded them diligently, protected them viciously, consoled them in misery and joined them in play? The family with a dog has all those things and the well cared for animal is a source of love and learning for a child. The ostracised child has an adoring companion. The excluded child is not alone. Having an animal facilitates friendship making among children or consoles the child who has no other friends.
The child with disability learns that love is not dependent on ability. And in a world where others may seem more proficient, a child's sense of capability is enhanced by guiding a baby creature through the mysteries of the world.
From an animal a child learns patience: it takes time to build the trust of fragile things. Children learn to respond, not on their own whim, but on the need of another. Wishes must be delayed while an animal is attended to, provided with water, groomed and walked. The animal's need for exercise ensures activity for the child: an important consideration with recent child obesity concerns.
But it is the therapeutic power of animals that is the most impressive: their reassurance, silence and capacity to 'listen' with rapt attention to a child's woe. Empathic when the world seems hostile, animals support children emotionally and immeasurably.
That is why we grieve so profoundly when a pet dies, companion to childhood, attachment and the first encounter for many children with the finality of death when parents are still present to support their child through the intricacies of grief and recovery.
Love and grief are intimately and bizarrely bound. If one is unable to love, one is unable to grieve. Grief often brings us into the better part of ourselves, unites us in the stark rawness of our human capacity for attachment, for love and for mourning when the source of love and attachment is no more.
Animals in our lives teach us many things and at the end of their lives they teach us how to cope with loss and how we can recover yet continue to love and remember the best friend of childhood forever - In remembrance of family pets including our mynah bird Oscar Tame who died this month.
• Pets are not Christmas toys but to sponsor an animal is a wonderful gift for a child. Information from the DSPCA at 01-4935502/4 or www.dspca.ie For information on the most appropriate pet for your home, contact your local vet or The Animal Welfare Veterinary Hospital at 01-6714303 or 4734848.