The Bigger Picture: Love is not a deep wanting. It is a deep giving. Wherever I turn, I continue to see people making this simple mistake - love is misrepresented as selfish, an individualistic desire, a series of erratic emotions that depart from intelligent thinking. 'I want you. I need you.' Two bodies clinging to each other like misaligned magnets.
But love is a deeply intelligent exercise. It is personal, independent, and draws us together in well-functioning groups.
It is a powerful force that nurtures and encourages us to be fully expressive as the unique individuals we are. Our instinct to love others deeply is the key to our individual and social survival. It compels us to co-operate and develop.
It allows us to notice what is hurtful and destructive to others and act with integrity and courage.
It is not love that hurts us, but a lack of love. Every time 'love' is inexcusably reduced to a less powerful, superficial entity, it hurts us.
Overtures of delight and desire that lack commitment, belief, support and encouragement are confusing and deeply painful. It is even more painful to watch other human beings offer us something so limited - be so limited. It instils in us a hopelessness, a sadness. It makes us tired.
Love is work. There is no doubt about it. But then, life is work. It is only with the exertion of energy that something can be created, nurtured, developed and enjoyed. Energy creates more energy. Movement spawns more movement. A body in motion stays in motion. Love, action, health and life are one and the same.
Above all else, we are physical beings. It begins with our skin, muscles and bones, and follows right through to our thoughts and emotions. Everything we do (and don't do) is manifested physically in our environment.
Our surroundings are full of expressions of both our humanity and our lack of humanity. When we do not love, when we display a widespread lack of respect for people and things, it is visible all around us.
In our current society, we have very few global models of real love - power, connectedness, commitment and giving. Rather, more and more of us are being raised in environments of hurt and neglect instead of surrounded by love.
I'm speaking broadly here - taking into account the full picture. We live with daily cycles of violence, mistreatment, ownership, blame and exploitation. Even if we develop in loving homes, we are not developing in a loving society.
It is deeply painful to teach ourselves to tolerate widespread abuse outside of our homes - in our films, our domestic and foreign policies, our justice systems and our economy. The effect of witnessing and accepting injustices against others trickles down into our personal and individual relationships. It makes us numb and complacent and limits our ability to love.
We are not born lazy, discouraged or uninspired. These develop out of neglect. They limit us, making us less ourselves and preventing us from having the courage to engage fully with our deep need to love.
When we stop being lovers, we start being destructive. The less we love, the less we are human. We become takers and users and succumb to a lack of unintelligence. We deny all of who we are.
Beware the illusion of 'love' in words, for words are just words. It is love in action that is worthy of our attention - visible, constructive and tangible. Professions of love abound, but it is evidence that stands for itself, that requires no convincing.
Love is something to be seen. Not in the explicit gripping of bums and back pockets, but in powerful undercurrents of respect and admiration. There should be clear effects of love - creative expression, vitality and the development of independent beings.
We do not love and then make a commitment. We do not truly love until we make a commitment. Love is not finicky, vague, shallow or insecure. These are desperate desires for love - aspirations for an unattainable future having no connection to one's real present.
Love is not about 'what could be' or what we 'wished' would be. It is about what is, who we are, what we are able to do now. It is a deep connection to life - a desire for diversity and free minds. It is a willingness to feel humiliated, insecure and unsure of yourself and still believe in your goodness and the goodness of others.
Love is fundamental, a basic instinct channelled through labour, dedication and a belief in humanity. It is void whenever we cling to things we 'want', forcing them into ourselves to fill our emptiness, rather than encouraging them to exist independently, admiring them from our own centre.
A deep love will keep us physically, emotionally and socially healthy - inspiring us to take action, have courage, move and create.
A deep love will encourage others to develop fully and take flight, insisting that they go beyond and leave us behind, while we remain content with who and where we are.