A New Life: Catherine de Courcy felt a physical journey was a natural outcome to an emotional journey touched by tragedy, writes Elaine Edwards
It is remarkable to hear how much Catherine de Courcy (46) appears at peace with herself given how her life has been touched by tragedy. But, like many who have suffered more than their share of sadness, she is not to be pitied; nor does she speak with even a trace of self-pity.
She is now simply set on continuing what she constantly describes as her "journey", but with an awareness and acceptance of how her life has changed after the death of her husband two years ago.
A writer and former librarian at the National Gallery and an author of nine books, including a history of the gallery, she recently returned to Ireland after almost 20 years away.
She first worked in Papua New Guinea for two years and then moved to Australia after she met her husband, John Johnson, an Australian veteran of the Vietnam war, while they were scuba diving.
She went to New Guinea in 1985 after the death of her brother, which she describes as "a major family tragedy".
"I suppose that was a catalyst for realising that life is short and for going to do something adventurous. I worked in the university working on the New Guinea photographic collection. The only other option here at the time was working in the public library system in Dublin."
While there, she met John, who was with the Australian army in New Guinea. "He was a big, gregarious, sort of person. He was sent back to Australia to Melbourne in 1987, so I went with him."
De Courcy worked in the National Gallery library in Melbourne and later in the library of a technical college with a large migrant population, working on training and research methods for people returning to work and study.
She and her husband embarked on their life and on many travels together, including desert trips during which they would drive up to 1,000 kilometres in a day.
They wrote books about their travels. They bought a farm with some sheep. They had a very good circle of friends. But John, now working in a city job in Melbourne, suffered terribly from post-traumatic stress disorder after his experiences in Vietnam.
"It really began to kick in in 1998/99," she explains. "He had tried everything - he tried psychiatry, he tried the farm, he tried giving up alcohol.
"He went on working in his city job - he had long left the army by now. I knew exactly what was happening, he knew exactly what was happening, but the demons were just too big. They were just taking over his life.
"That 18 months was really hard work. At a certain point, I decided to get counselling for myself so that I was very clear about what was my journey and what was his journey. He took his own life in December 2000, aged 53. But because I had done the work for myself already, I was very respectful of his decision and I was very peaceful about it."
She remembers him as "a very big-hearted, noisy, chatty person". "There was a great love between us," she adds.
One of the most important things in the 18 months after her husband's death was learning to ask for help. She used her experience of performance and change management and decided not to make a major decision for two years, although she did sell the farm because she "couldn't go on living there".
When the two years was up, it suddenly felt right to move to Ireland, she says. "I look at is as moving to a new country, a new adventure. I don't see it as going back anywhere. I see it as going to my homeland, but I had done so many things around Australia in terms of learning the landscape and finding stories in the land, that that is something that I want to do here."
One project she's working on is designed to help teach children in the Carlow region, where there has been a lot of development, about "the land they are walking on, about what's under the concrete - before the memories vanish in time".
De Courcy has given herself two years to "refocus" her career. She likes to find quiet time for herself, to walk, to get massages and facials and to travel. Her emotional and physical journey has had a spiritual element, in a non-religious sense, which she describes as "Australian eclectic". And her past, of course, remains a part of her.
"I've very aware of John. He's a very important part of my life, but I deliberately took my rings off a year ago. I deliberately stopped being married to him a year ago. I gave all of his personal stuff to his two kids. I gave all of the furniture away before I left Australia and I only brought back what was personal to me. It's about accepting that you've got one life to live and you move on to the next phase, fresh with it; uncluttered."