CONVENTIONAL wisdom rules that work and pleasure should never mix. That's a half empty view. Relationships at work are not only inevitable, they can benefit both employer and employee.
We are all familiar with the cliches: the office Christmas party coupling which ends in awkward silences that last well into the New Year, the boss/secretary liaison which culminates in the latter's hasty departure. Turn on the television any day of the week and a feast of worst case scenarios awaits. What would workplace dramas like er or LA Law be without the romantic complications?
In reality, however, the office is as good a place as any, if not better, for people to meet - provided they conduct themselves responsibly. For starters, co workers share a common ground which includes the same cast of characters, a knowledge of the specific pressures of the job. They may also share a common interest in the work itself. Many women also consider the workplace a relatively safe environment. Compared to meeting a stranger in a nightclub, lunch is safe," says one advertising executive. Another undeniable plus is that work is a place where people are valued primarily for their ideas and skills rather than superficial characteristics. A relationship that grows out of work is necessarily based, at least in some measure, on respect.
Irene and James Meagher met when they both started working at Sherry Fitzgerald in 1987. After a year they started dating nine years on, they are married with a new baby and both are directors (he commercial, she residential) at the auctioneering firm. They are quick to acknowledge that the long hours and pressures of selling associated with their work could potentially be hard for outsiders to take. Even if you were to explain what it was like, they could never understand it the way someone from inside can. It's very natural that so many relationships develop in our business." The Meaghers were the first long term couple to come out of the office; the third marriage took place this July.
Romance is rife in every workplace. According to several recent studies in the US, some 80 per cent of employees there know of or have been involved in a romantic relationship at work. This despite the fact that corporate policy on office affairs is more strict there than in Ireland. American corporate attitude has long been that office romance means nothing but trouble; that it creates a minefield for potential sexual harassment claims, collective morale destruction and power plots, never mind potential conflicts of interest. Virtually the first thing Wall Street novices are told is not to dip their pen in the company ink.
Even in the more conservative corporate milieus here - banking, for example there is a refreshing lack of formal policy on the subject. A spokesman for the Bank of Ireland, Declan Reid, says they are not aware of any problems arising from relationships among staff, although many such relationships exist. As far as the bank is concerned, these relationships don't create any undue conflicts of interest.
As far as we're concerned the bank should not and does not involve itself in personal issues." A woman in the bank's staff relations department meanwhile points out that usually the parties involved approach management about their individual situations rather than the other way around. Frequently, partners may request transfers to other branches and the bank facilitates those changes. A somewhat laissez faire corporate ethos makes more than a certain amount of sense in the modem context. As one veteran of a failed work relationship notes, "if you trust someone enough to hire them to do a responsible job: surely you have to give them the benefit of the doubt when it comes to how they handle their personal life".
Even if company policy is amenable and managers are generally open minded, they can find relationships between their sub ordinates potentially problematic particularly in smaller companies. In small departments, two can constitute a force to be reckoned with.
Niamh Boyle, who met her husband Sean Hayden when they were working at Woodchester Investment Brokers, can see both sides of the equation now that she leads a marketing team at Dublin Business School. "As a manager, your first thought when you learn about an affair is what's going to happen if they break up. You automatically think of how your own position and results are going to be affected." Her husband points out, however, that in hiss experience relationships have a positive effect on performance. He admits that he tried harder than ever to hit his targets because he wanted to impress Niamh.
Sean is not alone. Dr James Dillard of the University of Wisconsin has found that "in most cases, romantic relationships are perceived as having no impact on day to day work habits. If performance at work is perceived to change, relationships are more likely to show positive than negative change." When relationships go well, a company can look forward to not only increased productivity but also higher office morale.
To some extent, romance is the logical conclusion of corporate morale boosting exercises. Dynamic companies organise all manner of activities from golf outings to formal dinners. It should come as no surprise that these events can be the springboard for relationships between colleagues to begin. A softball game in Phoenix Park brought down professional barriers for Niamh Boyle and Sean Hayden; Friday night drinks tipped the scales in favour of romance for the Meaghers. Rather than this being upsetting for their colleagues, there was a healthy amount of slagging at first, then things settled down to normal. "Everyone was hugely supportive; we made great friends at work as well as meeting each other," says Boyle.
A teacher who has seen her fair share of staffroom alliances maintains that "no matter what they say, everyone enjoys the intrigue. Anything that makes work more interesting is great for morale."
When relationships fail, however, the normal fall out is undeniably far reaching. There is no escape for injured parties. The Meaghers went through a rough patch before they got married, during which time they both dated other people. Both kept their professional cool and got on with the job. Come Valentine's Day, when bouquets arrived for Irene, her future husband couldn't help but notice. He laughs now - I thought she sent them to herself," but the more faint hearted might have found it difficult to maintain a business as usual approach.
Just as some couples find it awkward to continue working together once the relationship becomes long term, some find it too difficult to continue working together once a relationship ends. This problem is exacerbated if a couple comes from different levels in the office hierarchy. Although there are, of course, exceptions to the rule, anyone who dates someone from higher or lower down the organisational ladder is asking for trouble. The junior person has everything to lose - from colleagues' support to their job. The senior can also be compromised as the relationship can easily be construed as an abuse of power and proof of unreliable judgment. These relationships continue to be considered both unethical and unprofessional.
Faced with such taboos, many people attempt to keep their affairs secret. Hardly anyone succeeds, for the simple reason that co workers inevitably learn a lot about each other's lives in the course of day to day business. Intercepted E-mail, faxes, phone calls, messages and post are the stuff of modern legend ... and with good cause. One businessman discovered his partner was having an affair with his PA when he mistakenly received a bill for the love nest's electricity; another was naive enough to send a message through cyberspace which would have made Prince Charles blush. It accidentally came up on every screen in the building. Lack of privacy is guaranteed in any small community. As one publishing executive who married a colleague puts it, "basically, it's impossible to have any privacy, especially in the beginning. Everyone knows what's going on. Or thinks they do."
Secrecy is an issue for the employer as well. In many cases, corporate fears about conflicts of interest are more justified when a couple does not work together than when they do. Two loyal employees are a lot safer than one with a mate who works for the competition. Although most people who work together find it important to switch off after hours, some pillow talk inevitably involves business. As a solicitor married to a barrister explains: "To say we don't talk about work at all is unrealistic. But you learn to be professional and never compromise your ethics." At the end of the day, whether the setting is the law courts, the office, a hospital or a school, it's professionalism that counts." Irene Meagher sums it all up. "If you like someone at work you're going to take the risk of seeing them socially. As long as you're professional about it, there's no reason the relationship can't work to everyone's benefit."