Overeating is a notoriously difficult problem to overcome, but the 12-step programme of Overeaters Anonymous can help. Mary Gtells her story
My name is Mary G. I am in recovery from compulsive overeating.
I loved food. I had great times with food - preparing it, going out for meals with friends, reading recipes, celebrating with it. It has been there for me in good times and ordinary times. Nothing unusual in that except that over the years my relationship with food progressed.
I found myself hoping that I would be on my own in the house so that I could eat in comfort. I was too ashamed to eat what I was eating in front of other people because it looked too much.
When I was travelling in the car I'd have to pull in at a petrol station and stock up. A few miles down the road I'd stop at another station. On days off work I'd go from cafe to cafe having one thing in each. I didn't want to draw attention to myself by having too much in the one place.
Then there were times when I'd be "very good". I'd eat healthy food only. During those times I'd binge on fruit or low-fat foods. I'd wake up in the morning thinking of what I could eat, what exercise I needed to do, what could I get away with eating.
There was a constant struggle going on in my head. As time went on and things got worse it was getting harder to ignore that I was in trouble.
The time between my binges got shorter and the binges larger. I would go to bed at night swearing that I would never have a day like I had just had.
I made promises to myself on new years eves, birthdays, Tuesdays and still, despite my best intentions, I would end up in the horror of the food.
It seemed that I couldn't keep food in the house for friends because if it was there I wouldn't settle until I had it. And although I said I'd just have one item I would crave more and more. I'd get hungrier. I couldn't understand this behaviour, this thinking but that was my experience.
I had everything going for me. On the outside my dreams were coming true, but in the inside I felt like I was self-destructing. I hated the way I was abusing food and abusing myself, but I couldn't stop. I cursed myself for my weakness as I saw it. I waited for my willpower to kick in. I knew so much about food and nutrition but I couldn't help myself. It was just awful. Hopeless.
I'd see a notice that said - "Have you a problem with food?" Every time I'd pass it I'd say a silent "Yes".
I was so ashamed to write down the number of Overeaters Anonymous - I, who liked to see myself as cool, trendy and together.
The reality was I was breaking inside. For the first time I conceded to myself that I had to have help. Out of desperation I rang the number. The message gave me a number to ring.
I didn't know what to say. I don't know what I did say, but I remember the woman on the other end sounded calm. She told me a little of what it used to be like for her. I knew she understood what I was doing. I felt relieved.
A few days later I went to meet another person. I was impressed by how normal she looked. She told me her story. I could see that she was in a very different place now from where she was - at ease. I wanted what she had. She suggested I go to a meeting of Overeaters Anonymous.
In the past I had tried so many different plans and schemes to control and enjoy my eating but nothing had worked. Although I didn't want to go to the meeting I was out of options.
I gave it a try. There was nothing else. At that meeting I was lucky to meet people who were not compulsive overeating anymore. I could see that these people had the same problem but they weren't living in the problem. They somehow were living normal lives without using food as a drug.
I went back to meetings regularly. In time I learned that Overeaters Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope on recovery from compulsive overeating. Through one person helping another I came to be relieved of that obsession to compulsively overeat.
It is based on the 12-step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was just about willing to go to any lengths to get well. I was fearful, didn't know if I could trust people, didn't understand, didn't know what to say to people, but for the first time in a long time I didn't feel like I was self-destructing. I had hope.
Today I am not compulsively overeating - for me this has been a gift in my life. I am at ease in my head. I am not going to bed at night making those promises.
I talk regularly with other people in recovery. As part of my recovery I try to be of help to someone else who doesn't know there is a way out, someone like me, and I get on with my life - happy, joyous and free.
• Overeaters Anonymous. Tel: 01-278 8106 www.oa.org or www.oahope.com
• Mary G is not the authors real name. It is a tradition of groups such as Overeaters Anonymous to maintain personal anonymity in the media
• If you have a health experience, good or bad, that you would like to share, contact: healthsupplement @irishtimes.com