Mary T Cleary, founder of Amen, a support service and confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse
Amen, set up in 1997, was the first step in unveiling another social taboo - abuse of men in their own homes by their partners. From the start, Amen has been inundated with phone calls from abused men, their friends and members of their families.
In the first year alone, thousands of men contacted us to tell of the abuse they suffered at the hands of their wives or partners. Their stories detailed all imaginable, and some unimaginable, forms of abuse. Most of the men spoke of their isolation and the lack of support available to them.
Raising awareness of the issue has ended the isolation of many men and empowered them to speak out and seek assistance. While most people now accept that domestic violence is more complex than the simplistic battered wife caricature, there are still many in positions of power and influence who seek to deny this well-established truth.
There is now irrefutable evidence that women and men can be both perpetrators and victims of domestic violence. I used to work as a nurse and came into contact with many men who suffered abuse from female partners; this is what got me interested in the area.
Generally I open the office by 9am. Much of the day is devoted to taking helpline calls, making appointments to meet individul clients and making referrals to counselling, legal and housing services as well as the gardaí.
Nowadays clients drop in to our centre, sometimes accompanied by their children. On Tuesday evenings, we hold support group meetings in the office in Navan. Men and other members of their families come from as far afield as Cork. Generally they are seeking information and a safe place to discuss their situations.
Violence is damaging in a number of ways, and not just in terms of physical injury. Many of the men who contact Amen talk about being deeply depressed, isolated and feeling suicidal.
Often it is only when violence on men by their female partners is near fatal or fatal that the authorities finally pay attention. Men very often remain in these abusive relationships for the sake and protection of their children.
Many men say that the physical scars heal quicker than the psychological scars. A retired post office manager described his life as "ongoing confrontation with short outbursts of peace".
Domestic violence also contributes to alcohol and drug abuse, mental illness, suicide, parasuicide and depression. Many of these men present in surgeries and casualty departments with chest and abdominal pains.
They lose weight and some become anorexic. Very often they do not divulge the true cause of their problems.
Increasing public awareness on the plight of male victims is an important part of Amen's work. This is done through talks and seminars in schools, libraries and third-level institutes.
The work I do with Amen is rewarding and a necessary service deserving of support from Government. I am passionate about the work I do.
At our first meeting with the Department of Health in 1998, its officials acknowledged that I had identified a gap in service provision and that they had a responsibility to support Amen. Year after year we prepare budget submissions but as yet we have not received any real or meaningful funding. This means that we cannot plan for the rest of the year never mind the future.
We are in discussion with the HSE North East at the moment. Because I am the eternal optimist I am hopeful that we will have some degree of success this time.
Amen helpline: 046 9023718
www.amen.ie; info@amen.ie
(In conversation with Ali Bracken)