`It started years ago in a very natural way. I was under pressure when doing my exams and I simply got physically sick due to nerves. I was a bit overweight at the time and it struck me that this would be a good way of keeping slim. My parents had a sweet shop, so there was plenty of access to junk food. I was about 14 at that time. I could go for months without puking, but then it would resurface and the whole vicious circle would start again - not only when I was down and depressed but also when I was over-excited.
I would eat a bag of crisps, then another and another, maybe a few bars of chocolate and a bottle of Lucozade. Then the guilt would set in and I would puke. Then, half an hour later, I'd be hungry again. Sometimes I would lose weight, but more often that not I was stable. You know that it is wrong, that it isn't good for you, but you haven't got the education or the knowledge to deal with it. It's really a horrible disease and it is much more prevalent than you'd think.
I had swings and roundabouts with the problem until I was about 26 when I really couldn't cope anymore, so I phoned the Samaritans. I asked them if there were any support groups and they put me in touch with a psychologist who works with people with eating disorders. It was such a relief when I got to her and to admit that I had a problem and I could get help.
Since I started talking to her, things have gone well, but recently I'm battling with it again. I'm not bingeing and puking, but I am eating more junk food than I should and I am conscious of my weight. I always paid attention to articles on anorexia and bulimia but there were never any men interviewed, which is partly why I agreed to talk to you. Nobody else knows about my problem except for my partner and my psychologist, which is why I prefer not to have my name published.
I suppose that I was vulnerable to an eating problem because my home life wasn't good when I was a child. There was a lot of rowing. I'm a sensitive person and I take things to heart. Also, I'm gay and there is a bigger emphasis put on body image and shape among gays than in the straight community.
However, I wouldn't want other guys to think that just because they are not gay means that they can't be vulnerable too. Guys are much more conscious now of weight training and keeping in shape, and they are under a lot more pressure. Men's health magazines are also putting pressure on guys.
I'm lucky I'm able to afford to go to see a psychologist. Everyone doesn't have the same opportunity. But it's very important for people to know that there is help and there are ways of getting on with your life."