That's men for you Padraig O'Morain'sguide to men's health
Want to be at the cutting edge in your marriage? If so, you need a postnuptial agreement.
Forget the prenup - the postnuptial agreement is already coming down the tracks at us from California as an indispensable accessory, especially if you are in your second marriage.
Prenuptial agreements are old hat. Not many of us have them but I bet the very rich are well used to them. Mind you, I have never quite figured out how you would introduce to your beloved - as you slip on the engagement ring - the concept of cutting him or her out of all your millions in the event of a divorce. "Darling, would you love me even if I didn't have any money?" That sort of thing?
With the postnuptial agreement you wait, as the name implies, until after you marry. The assumption is that when you make the agreement you are still in love and planning to spend your lives together.
But just in case that one-in-a-million chance comes along and, for some now unforeseeable reason, you decide to divorce, why not work out, while you are still on talking terms, how to divide the spoils?
That's the theory in the United States anyhow, where postnuptial agreements have already appeared on the legal landscape.
Apparently they are seen to be particularly apt in the case of a second marriage in which one or both partners wants to provide for the children of the first marriage.
In such a case, a postnuptial agreement might enable both partners to agree to ringfence certain assets for the pre-existing children, so to speak, and to haggle only about what's left.
Could have saved Anna Nicole Smith a lot of hassle!
It's not just about property. The theory is that while people are still more or less in love with each other, they are more likely to make a reasonable agreement as regards issues such as custody of, and access to, the children.
Now, the lawyers among you are already shaking your heads at this. It would never stand up in court, you say.
No, it probably wouldn't. There again, most Irish divorces don't end up in a court battle and an agreement made when the couple are still on talking terms might at least provide a good template for the final deal.
The other thing it might do is to emphasise to the couple that marriage breakdown is messy and to be avoided if at all possible. Indeed, in the United States some couples are said to have used postnuptial agreements to save their marriages.
This seems to me to be the tricky way to go about saving a marriage, though I suppose it's no more illogical than getting married to save a relationship that's on the rocks - and believe me, that happens.
There are a few other flaws in the idea too. If the marriage breaks up because one of the partners has been swept away by a gold-digger of either gender, we can assume that said gold-digger will drive a coach and four through the postnuptial agreement.
Another flaw is that a postnuptial agreement made in the first flush of love, or even the second or third flush of love, may be less favourable to one or other of the participants than an agreement made in the course of a separation.
That is why making a postnuptial agreement requires separate lawyers on either side.
The third flaw is that if you suggest a postnuptial agreement to your beloved, you may be in the doghouse for a very long time. The doghouse may become your second home. All privileges may be withdrawn. And if you are really desperately unlucky you may find yourself hurtling towards the divorce courts with an outraged spouse gearing up to do battle to the bitter end.
Still, if you can overcome or ignore these flaws, a postnuptial agreement would certainly put you ahead of the pack in marriage accessorising. And at your next dinner party, it would silence those chatterers who are still bragging about their prenups, the losers.
pomorain@irish-times.ie
Padraig O'Morain's blog on men's issues, Just Like A Man, is at www.justlikeaman.blogspot.com