Re: The Bigger Picture, HealthSupplement, June 12th
Dear Sir,
Shalini Sinha's article Myths of Manhood should more accurately have been headlined Myths about Manhood.
It consisted of little more than a collection of assumptions about men and their emotions, presented as fact, which were current about 30 years ago, and which even then were dubious. Presenting men as a bunch of hopeless (but lovable) ignoramuses lost in a forest of emotions, hacking about in an undergrowth of feelings they can't understand, and sexually frustrated at every turn (until some kind and thoughtful woman intervenes), the article was patronising in the extreme.
Look lads, I know you find this difficult - "It's not that men don't have feelings, but that they can't always identify what they're feeling".
However, Ms Sinha may not be entirely to blame. At the outset of her article, she accepts that men's experience is not hers, so she refers to some unidentified man close to her who is "thoughtful" about men, and the essay is a result of "his insights joined with my love" (whatever that means).
From this point on we are thrown into man's supposed struggle from a very early age as he is flung about in a maelstrom of conflicting feelings, hopelessly unable to cope with his emotions as he feebly struggles to grow into a caring, thoughtful man while evil society plots otherwise, just in case he might some day have to stand in the front line of military combat.
Meanwhile, the snake of sexual desire regularly raises his ugly head, and what are men to do when, like Portnoy, they are confronted with desires repugnant to their consciences and consciences repugnant to their desires?
Here's what: "As a result of the enforced isolation and dehumanisation, sex is one of the only ways men have left to try to get closeness. As a result, it has often become a compulsion. However, pursuing sex - as a strategy - hasn't really worked for men. If it had, they would be less isolated by now."
Better talk, guys.
Ms Sinha suggests that when men show emotion, they are often made to feel there is something wrong with them, that they are being weak and not behaving like real men. Well, if I see a man in floods of tears in a restaurant, which happens, I call for my bill.
Ms Sinha should know that men, like women, have their own ways of expressing emotions, and those ways don't have to be entirely puerile or stunted, though incidentally a roll in the hay usually dries up tears in a hurry.
After all, it's hard to cry when enjoying yourself, except when watching Father Ted.
Most understanding women (I know a few) are not easily fooled by false emotion - and there is a lot of that about, fuelled by moronic pseudo-confessional TV shows, which are no more than hideous orgies of self-pity (the meanest emotion of all) with women and men wallowing in their "isolation" while watched by perhaps half a million viewers at a time.
You don't have to be a therapist to know that women, perhaps even more than men, value honesty and are turned off by self-demeaning exhibitionism. And waiters must be sick of it.
I'm glad that's off my throbbing chest.
The so-called Myths of Manhood article was entirely reductive, not just of men's emotional lives and their coping mechanisms (so easy to slip into therapist mode - "how's the oul' coping mechanism, Josie?" "Ah sure it probably needs a bit of axle oil") but also of the lives of women, who ironically come across in the article as merely nurturing presences for men, and sexual vessels.
Ms Sinha should get out more and not rely on such outmoded opinions.
The Bigger Picture is a lot bigger than she imagines.
Brendan Glacken