A book by two cosmetic surgeon brothers exploits our obsession with perfection, writes Kate Holmquist
Like almost everybody else, I've fantasised about having cosmetic surgery to improve my appearance. A bit of "lipo" under the chin, a tummy tuck and a breast reduction and uplift to counteract half a century of gravity (not to mention what felt like half a century of breast-feeding) would be top of my list.
Whether I'd actually go through with it is another matter entirely, since I haven't the dosh nor the time. But if I did?
We've all seen the disasters: the wind tunnel effect facelift where the skin is pulled too tight. The trout pout where lip implants are bigger than Kate Moss's boobs. The over-peel where acid-stripped facial skin looks like shiny white plastic. Not to mention the Baywatch boob job and the bouncy bionic bottom on really skinny women. And then there's the risk of actually dying on the table.
Say, I went along to Dr Roberto and Dr Maurizio Viel of The London Centre for Aesthetic Surgery "cosmetic surgeons to the stars" (a description that puts me off already), their first advice would be to lose weight, walk for miles, get a personal trainer and become totally healthy, physically and emotionally.
Anyone in less than peak condition shouldn't contemplate cosmetic surgery, they say in their new book, The Viels' Beauty Bible (Hodder Mobius, UK, £14.99 sterling).
I certainly cannot claim to be in peak condition, but I have met the Viels, who are Italian and love their mama so much that they even operated on her.
It doesn't surprise me that they've had a book ghost-written with their names on it. I say ghost-written because I've interviewed them and their somewhat limited English isn't in the style of this book, not that there's anything suspicious or unusual about that in the book business.
When I met them, I asked them what they'd do to change my appearance if I were to come to them as a patient. They didn't take the bait. Even when I mentioned my generous boobs (I could be a donor) they merely replied, "But you have beautiful babies, no?"
Their true beliefs are expressed in their new book. Despite its subtitle, "Look and feel fabulous with or without cosmetic surgery," this book is a hard sell not just for surgery but also for a host of injections, hormones and treatments.
They write: "We cannot tell you how many times our patients have felt they have been given a second chance, a new beginning. Our patients frequently tell us that our techniques have supercharged their careers or their love lives, boosted their chances of promotion or helped them get hitched." Puh-lease.
If you want to feel really bad about how you look, then turn to page 22, which lists 26 parts of the body that you should critique while standing naked in front of the mirror (What? Only 26?).
The Viels assume that you'll have to overcome your self-loathing to find one good point and they're probably right.
They're only being realistic. Society demands standards of "beauty" that cannot be achieved naturally, especially after the grand old age of 25. In Western society, even teenage girls with amazing bodies seem incapable of seeing themselves for the beauties that they are. It's sinister, actually, the way women - and, increasingly, men - have been brainwashed into believing that if we're not perfect (and nobody can agree on what perfect is), we should be fixed.
In the Viels' world - and lots of people will say it's the real world - cosmetic surgery can be the difference, for example, between being 45 years old and on the shelf and being 45 years old, looking 35 and married to a millionaire. Yet, in the same breath, they say that no one should have cosmetic surgery while going through a traumatic divorce.
I reckon that patients just go in and lie through their whitened teeth. Let's face it, what other motivation is there to having cosmetic surgery if it's not about making a middle-aged person more sexually attractive to people who buy into commercial superficial definitions of what's attractive in our sell-yourself culture?
If you're a novice to this area, you might be surprised that surgery isn't the only option. Human growth hormone, say the Viels, can decrease body fat by 15 per cent and tummy fat by 50 per cent, can increase bone density, increase energy, improve memory and concentration, reduce wrinkles and make hair more lustrous. It can turn you from flabby, frail, wrinkled and lethargic to energy-charged, smoother skinned and much smarter, the Viels claim.
But be prepared to put up with possible side effects such as swelling, carpal tunnel syndrome, joint pain and mild numbness.
Taking DHEA (dehydroeiandrosterone) can make people aged 40-70 feel more relaxed and sleep better - but the over-the-counter versions don't contain enough to make any difference.
The Viels' list of the "top 25 miracle ingredients" in face creams - too many to mention here - includes plugs for their own products. They are seriously impressive salesmen. If you are determined to look younger, don't do anything without a generous dose of scepticism.
COSMETIC PROCEDURES: PROS AND CONS
This is the Viels' verdict on just a few of the procedures you can have done:
• Enhancement of the buttocks: for when you've dieted so much that they've sagged. A good exercise programme is better.
• Fat transplant from anywhere in your body to anywhere else: for example, from your thighs to your hands, because some say hands always tell your age, or from your thighs to facial lines. Maurizio has had this done on himself (along with Botox) and was pleased with the results.
• Thread lift: a facelift without invasive surgery. Up to 16 threads are inserted with a fine needle to lift brows, mid-face and neck. Ideal for people who want to wait until age 55 for a classic facelift.
Certain actresses claim never to have had cosmetic surgery yet look far younger than could reasonably be expected. Now you know.
• Breast reduction: can improve quality of life hugely, say the Viels, but it is major surgery.
• Breast lift: a good effective procedure, but full points to the Viels for showing the unsightly scars in the "after" picture on page 189.
• Breast augmentation: a "great operation and very rewarding" if the look is kept natural.
• Lip augmentation: a "great, easy treatment" but don't have permanent fillers or implants.
• Eyebag removal: lower eye recontouring can rejuvenate the face but must be conservative to avoid the sunken eye look. Fat injections could be simpler and more rewarding.
• Upper eye lift: a "great procedure" that will rejuvenate the face even when performed on its own.
• Thigh lift: too much scarring and the effect doesn't last. Try liposuction and a toning programme instead.
• Autologous cell therapy: a sample of your own cells is taken, then injected back to supposedly promote the production of collagen. The small improvement produced doesn't justify the cost.
• Thermage: radio frequencies warm the collagen in the dermis, which tighten and thus lift and contour the skin.
Lasts five years. It's going to be big in the future.