The Bigger Picture: Many choices we make in life yield unexpected results. Some of these surprise outcomes shock us, some horrify us, while others leave us feeling relieved, even lucky.
Whatever the outcome, our choices steer us in clear directions. The less aware we are of the path we are walking on to, the more frustrating "our lot" becomes. Thus arise the questions: "Is this as good as it gets? Why isn't my life where I want it to be?"
During any given day, we make hundreds of decisions. We wake, decide whether to get up or stay in bed a few more minutes, what to wear, if and what to eat, whether to leave the house today, which way to walk on to the path, whether to get into a vehicle, if we'll fret on the way to wherever we're going or take it easy . . . the list goes on.
Not all our decisions cause us strife or turmoil. Some we make with no stress or struggle at all. But all are made, nonetheless.
Each one of these turning points takes us in a direction: towards health or sickness, self-esteem or insecurity, fulfilment or dissatisfaction. Yet, most of our decisions come and pass without us even being aware we've made them. This lack of awareness often leads us into lives we didn't want.
Behind every decision is a set of criteria - a framework of beliefs, values, priorities, even habits, that assess situations and guide us to choose specific responses.
We are consciously aware of some of the criteria driving us. For the most part, however, those blueprints for our lives have slipped in behind the scenes, largely without our notice.
The few we are conscious of are so because we've put some effort into discovering them. They may be the result of challenged reflection to know ourselves better: what we fear, the roots of our struggles, what we find rewarding.
Or they may have been aspects we glimpsed in others and wanted for ourselves: new perspectives, ways of spending our time, ideas that made a difference to us. These are things that are quite different from how we were raised and represent new growth and learning in our lives. We've fought for them, and are very conscious of having got them.
The rest of what influences our decisions - the majority of factors navigating us through life - is unconscious. Few of us realise all the details that have gone into making us the people we are: the complexity of impressions, messages and teachings we have received and how they have each contributed towards what we like, don't like and the risks we take.
From an early age, we learn what it means to be male or female, what our family expects of us in the world, what is "good" or "bad", what we must do to belong. We are built from the ground up on a set of learnings. Few of us are aware of them. And yet, it is these forces that guide our choices, every moment of every day. And so, our lives and destinies are shaped.
Of course, we can change destiny. We can change anything. It's never, ever too late. But we must become aware of what is driving us and the impact of those choices.
We do not learn to behave the way we do from only our personal experiences, parents or family set-up. Very powerful messages reach us from society at large. One clear idea that has been coming through strongly for several decades involves money: You must be rich to be happy - because "comfort" is an essential aspect of life.
Most of our decisions today are motivated in some way by concerns over money. This is often necessarily so. Money is our access to nearly everything material in this world. In order to have shelter, food, warmth and space, you need money.
There are the emergency traps of social welfare or charity, but there is no other way to ensure your material safety. No wonder so many of us are anxious about money and dream of great riches.
As a society, we carry a collective fear of "not having enough to survive". But the pre-occupation to accumulate resources has gone further than just survival.
We seek comfort as if it was a solution to something. It is the single greatest driving force behind nearly all of our daily decisions.
However, comfort brings with it its own set of hidden impacts. Although it eases things, it also dulls the features of our lives, sometimes creating a sense of numbness, and makes us fearful.
Most importantly, however, it takes us away from what really matters to us in life: love, closeness and personal challenge.
These things demand an exertion of effort from us. However, we are becoming out of practice.
It is little wonder why so many of us have found ourselves in lives less satisfying and off-track to where we wanted to be. We have gone along making decisions without realising how truly important they can be, even the very little ones.
We've lost focus of what is really meaningful to us. By regaining that focus and making new choices today, we can change everything.
Shalini Sinha practises life coaching and the Bowen technique in her clinic, Forward Movement.