THE BIGGER PICTURE: We are not alone in our struggles. Still, most of us feel we are. Although the details of our experiences can differ, as will our responses, there is very little that any one of us will go through in our life that hasn't also touched someone else.
And yet, great numbers of us feel on our own - that no one else has ever gotten themselves into the situations we have, and no one else could possibly love, understand or have compassion for someone like us. Even so, our struggles are not unique.
This incredible fact reminds me of how paramount feelings of rejection, isolation and fear of being unloved are in the human experience of getting hurt. Ironically, whenever we do feel completely alone, and we all have at one time or another, we are actually universally united with the entire human race.
Nevertheless, the impact of this feeling is intensely disempowering. Whenever we become deeply cut off from other people, incredible sorrow and hopelessness emerge. These feelings gain momentum remarkably quickly. They cloud our thinking and alter our perspective.
It is from this place that we can internalise the idea that our struggles are our fault: "I am to blame. Some irreparable flaw in my genetic make up or being has brought me to this point. This hideous characteristic of mine is appalling, and no one could possibly love such a person." Although we seldom hear these thoughts spoken aloud, I doubt if any of us has escaped them.
As this self-assault gains strength, the next line of offence kicks into action. Our rowing commitment to the wrong view that we are truly bad is followed through by ensuring that no one must ever know this terrible fact about us (or they would surely reject us). So we begin to hide ourselves more and wage war against anyone who professes to love us and seeks to get in closer.
"You don't really know me, and if you did, you wouldn't love me anymore." The true struggle is rarely given voice, yet is felt so intensely by millions. All of this because our primary needs to connect and engage with love were left unrequited early on, but convincingly enough so as to have caused us to question our entire purpose for living.
Although the details of our experiences may differ, on these two counts at least, the whole of humanity are united: We need love and connection. The first time we were hurt caused us to feel rejected, unworthy and unloved. Thus, we are not alone in the broad context of our struggles. However, we are not alone in the minute details either.
This has never been truer than now. We live in a global society that is shrinking and follows certain trends. From the moment we are born, nearly every aspect of our identity - from age to colour, sex, sexuality, various abilities, culture, religious heritage, geographic location and social context - is categorised and positioned within a matrix of power, privilege, voice and invisibility.
At any given moment, we belong to numerous, well-populated groups with broadly similar experiences. Every struggle we have is actually shared by a lot of people.
Furthermore, there is no denying that human beings are born good. There are no evil or fundamentally flawed people.
Unless devastatingly shut down, we behave as caring, concerned, thoughtful beings. The fact that we struggle doesn't change that. In fact, to struggle is normal, natural and can even be very constructive - definitely very human.
There is no life without change, growth and forward movement. None of these is possible without challenge.
Although we often think of difficult times and feelings negatively, they do spur growth, renewal and insight. It is important to approach our struggles well, with courage and dedication. Part of this will always mean pushing through our isolation, choosing to believe in ourselves, and drawing in others to be of assistance.
Our difficulties arise not from finding ourselves in struggle, but from getting stuck in it. This only happens when relaxed, compassionate support by others is unavailable, for we need others to get through. It is how we were built. When social structures break down, it is no wonder we feel alone. This feeling is left over from a significant moment when we needed people to be present and tender, and for whatever reasons, they could not be.
Nevertheless, it is possible, when we grow in wisdom and strength, to choose to notice again that we are indeed not alone.
Within these moments, we can go even further to recognise that we are not the only ones struggling in this way. When these moments come, it is possible for our struggles, and approach to the world, to change forever.
It is then that we can know for certain, the power that comes when we stand together.
Shalini Sinha has worked as a life coach and counsellor and presents the intercultural programme Mono on RTÉ Television. She has a BA in comparative religion and anthropology and an MA in women's studies.