A rise in the number of couples presenting for psychosexual therapy has resulted in waiting lists of up to four months at treatment centres in Dublin. Yvonne Jacobson of the Marriage and Relationship Counselling Service (MRCS) says almost every Irish person will experience a sexual problem at some point in their lives.
Around half of the clients looking for help from the MRCS at any one time are experiencing a lack of sexual desire.
Another 25 per cent are men with erection or ejaculation problems and a further 20 per cent are women suffering from vaginismus (vaginal spasms that prevent intercourse from taking place).
Jacobson, who has worked as a psychosexual therapist for 15 years, says she's come across just about every sexual predicament under the sun.
"There isn't much I haven't heard before, but I'm always learning at the same time. I can't remember being shocked by anything since I was a trainee!" she says.
Following a psychological assessment, clients are invited to begin a behavioural programme. They will probably be asked to do "homework" as well as meeting with their therapist every week or fortnight.
Surprisingly, Jacobson frequently instructs her clients not to have intercourse during the initial stages of therapy.
"That raises a few eyebrows at the start, but they need to stop doing what they've been doing wrong and re-learn better sexual habits," she says.
The "homework" involves carrying out specific physical exercises that relate to their particular problems, starting with non-sexual touching and building up to mutually fulfilling sex.
"It's like a gym programme or a weight-watchers programme in that way," says Jacobson. "They know the goals they want to achieve and need somebody to help them towards that point." Stress and tiredness can often push couples and single people to the doors of organisations such as MRCS. Other reasons might be a significant change in life circumstances, such as the birth of a baby, a bereavement or losing a job.
Psychological factors can also have an effect on sexual functioning. These might include deeply-ingrained negative attitudes towards sexuality or bad experiences of sex in the past.
Jacobson says a substantial part of her job is to convince clients that their feelings are perfectly normal, and that many others have gone through exactly the same thing.
"Usually they're going into the pub and thinking, 'Everybody here must be having sex but me!' We reassure them that is not the case," she says.
"In the early stages of a relationship, there's an automatic attraction and chemistry, but once a couple settle down to a routine life they have to make an effort."
Nowadays, however, couples and single people are much more likely to come forward for therapy than at any stage in the past.
Bringing your partner with you to psychosexual therapy sessions can make it much easier to deal with the problem, says Jacobson.
"For instance, if a man goes to the doctor with a sexual problem, the doctor isn't likely to see it as a relationship problem." Jacobson says a sense of humour can help diffuse any tension during therapy sessions. "Sex shouldn't always be heavy and serious. It's a playful side of ourselves," she says. But the overwhelming emotion experienced by clients presenting for therapy is one of embarrassment, according to Donald Gaynor, co-ordinator of the marital sex therapy service for ACCORD. "Everybody who presents with a sexual problem is embarrassed, there's no question about that," says Gaynor.
Accord, the Catholic marriage counselling service, has 54 centres around the country. It does not confine itself to treating Catholics, but prefers that people are married or in a committed relationship.
Although most of Gaynor's clients are in their 30s and 40s, some are as young as 18 and others as old as 75.
The end result of therapy often more than makes up for any initial awkwardness they may have felt, he says.
"If a couple complete a programme and achieve intercourse, their joy is unbounded.
"Most of them go through turmoil before they come forward. It takes a lot of courage to come and talk about such an intimate part of your relationship with a complete stranger," he says.
Gaynor points to the media hype surrounding Viagra, the anti-impotency drug, as a turning point that freed-up public discussion about sexual problems.
"Obviously it didn't cure everything, but it created a lot of discussion about sexual matters that would have been taboo before. People now feel entitled to a satisfactory sex life."
Contact MRCS on tel: 01-6799341; ACCORD on tel: 01-8371151. MRCS and ACCORD asks for a donation from the people they treat.
Psychosexual therapy is also available from certain hospitals