MIND MOVES:Holidays are a time for relaxation - so why are they sometimes so stressful? asks Terry Lynch.
IMMORTALISED BY Cliff Richard, thoughts of a summer holiday sustain us during the winter. But how come vacations appear on lists of stressful life events, like the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, albeit towards the lower end?
On holiday, we want to make every moment count. We create elevated hopes and expectations, unintentionally setting ourselves up for disappointment.
The experience of the holiday may not match the anticipation. We may encounter complications which steal our precious time, causing considerable and unexpected frustration.
The eagerly anticipated change of surroundings and routine can bring its own challenges. Uprooted from our everyday routines, we do not have access to the supports, contacts, comforts, escapes, defences, protective strategies, limits and boundaries we have painstakingly built up and regularly utilise at home. This can leave us feeling unsure, exposed and prone to cabin fever.
The lack of familiarity with and control over new surroundings can be daunting. Insecurities are heightened. Basic human issues, ranging from uncertainty about access to toilets and inability to sleep to coping with relentless heat can cause considerable stress. Fears, strains and resentments may become more pronounced.
The initial euphoria on arrival may dilute somewhat as the novelty begins to wear off. To our horror, we may become bored, which certainly was not part of the holiday script.
Our sense of self, how we deal with the world, and the strength and quality of our relationships can be tested on vacation. Removed from familiar surroundings and stripped somewhat of our roles, the rules of engagement and contact may be less clear.
The subsequent loss of equilibrium can create both inner stress and strain on our relationships. There may be considerable disagreement among travelling companions regarding how to spend precious holiday time.
We sometimes forget that we bring ourselves and our lives with us, including dissatisfactions in our lives and difficulties in our relationships. Spending so much time in each other's company, we may see others in a different light or vice versa, sometimes creating a sense of disillusionment and disappointment.
Holidays give us time to think, reflect and compare ourselves with others. We have the time to notice changes in ourselves, our partners, our children, our lives.
What lies just beneath the surface may emerge, causing considerable disturbance. For example, the expression of closeness and physical affection in other relationships may highlight its absence in ours.
Since few people talk about holiday stress, we may understandably think that we are the only people in the whole world whose holiday falls short of expectations. You won't hear many people say "my holidays were sooooo stressful" or "you know what, holidays aren't all they're cracked up to be".
On our return, the transition from holiday to everyday mode can be unsettling, especially if there are aspects of our lives we wish were different. Within a few weeks we settle back into our lives, often with a greater appreciation for who and what we have in them, or for some, sadness at what we don't.
We can take steps to minimise exposure to stress on holiday. As with any human endeavour, holidays work better when we prepare well and realistically.
Prior to departure, we can arrange a meeting with fellow travellers to discuss matters such as differing priorities, limits and boundaries, personal space and compromise. We can balance exuberance with a dose of reality.
This will considerably reduce the risk of disappointment. We can adopt an attitude of flexibility, knowing that during our holiday there will be the smooth, the rough and the unexpected.
We can accept that we will not manage to do and see everything. We can set some ground rules before departure, such as a curfew for children.
Dealing with the challenges presented to us on holiday tests us. We can expand and grow through these experiences. The benefits of the holiday may not become fully apparent until we are home, back in our routines.
Holidays can be an opportunity to take stock, become renewed, review one's life and make plans. We may think about changes we need to make. We may get clarity regarding important issues.
We may experience a greater sense of fun and balance, a more expansive and global sense of life, more in touch with ourselves and important others.
And when we are back, as the weeks pass, we increasingly anticipate next year's holiday - a little wiser, perhaps, with some lessons learnt.
• Terry Lynch is a GP and psychotherapist in Limerick