THAT'S MEN:Taking a variety of approaches can bear fruit
A CHALLENGING moment for a counsellor comes when a client who has been depressed reports feeling better.
The counsellor inwardly congratulates himself or herself and enjoys a warm glow which lasts until the client declares: “The medication must be kicking in.”
Ah, rapid deflation of counsellor ego. This happens to most counsellors a couple of times a year. Luckily our egos, like everyone else’s, are self-inflating, so it doesn’t take all that long to convince ourselves that we must have had something to do with the improvement after all.
But we could be wrong and the client could be the wiser of the two, as often happens.
Depression, after all, is a most mysterious condition. Some get an attack of the “blues” now and then, get through it and move on. Others are dogged by depression, on and off, for decades.
Traditionally, men are said not to talk about their depression, thereby prolonging it. On the other hand, women seem more inclined to brood and ruminate when depressed and that also prolongs it.
Disagreement is rife about the causes of depression and how to treat it. Depression is caused by chemical deficits in the brain and, therefore, can be treated by medication, says one school.
Depression arises out of an unhappy life and can best be tackled by doing things that make a positive difference and especially by cultivating better relationships, says another.
Yet I’ve met people who were helped by medication and others who were not helped at all. I’ve met people who shifted their depression through getting involved with others – but I’ve also met people for whom the gains were disappointing.
I suspect that the word “depression” actually describes a range of different conditions which need to be approached in different ways.
Depression in a young mother raising a child in a B&B will probably lift if she gets a stable home and some care and support.
Depression in a well-off man who has gone downhill following retirement may lift only when he forges a new sense of identity (one not based on his work) and takes up new interests.
Depression in a person who feels utterly worthless may shift only when that person’s view of themselves changes.
All may get some help from medication so long as medication isn’t seen as the only answer. It is vital also to try connecting to other people, to engage in activities such as walking, to seek help with problems and to eat even if you don’t feel like eating. It’s also important to seek counselling.
There is a good chance that one or more of these approaches will work. If none of them works, you may need more specialist help. Attending self-help groups such as Aware, GROW and Recovery Inc are all part of this.
It doesn’t matter in the end whether it was the counsellor or the medication or the group or the walking or the relationships that worked. What matters is to try everything.
On another issue, a warning: you know that guy who keeps a clean desk, is perfectly groomed and always washes his hands when he goes to the loo? If you yourself are in any way morally dodgy, watch out for this guy.
A team led by Chen-Bo Zhong, an assistant professor at the University of Toronto, invited undergraduates to a shiny laboratory and gave half of them an antiseptic wipe with which to clean their hands, so as to safeguard the equipment. Later, all were asked to assess the morality of pornography, littering and other social sins. You guessed it: the ones who had clean hands were more disapproving on all these issues than the ones who hadn’t.
Other studies found similar results, according to the British Psychological Society's Research Digest.
The lesson: if you are a sinful human being, you must, at all costs, avoid the squeaky clean.
Padraig O’Morain (pomorain@ireland.com) is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His book,
Light Mind – Mindfulness for Daily Living
, is published by Veritas