THAT'S MEN:Time to rebalance the gender balance, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN
ARE MEN under the thumb of women or are women still under the thumb of men?
In a recent survey by the German-owned DMAX channel, men complained that they live in a woman’s world. Just over half said women make the rules by which they live. Most said they could not express this point of view openly.
Last month a conference was held at Ruskin College, Oxford, to mark the 40th anniversary of the launch of the modern Women’s Liberation Movement.
In a report on the feminist blog thefword, Catherine Redfern says older feminists at the conference believe life is harder for young women now. These women believe change has been happening far too slowly.
So nobody, it seems, is over the moon about the relative position of the genders.
Back to the men. In that DMAX survey, many claimed they were being turned into what the Daily Telegraph translated as “waxed and coiffed metrosexuals”.
Who are these guys? Do we have waxed and coiffed metrosexuals in Ireland?
The perception that we have all been turned into metrosexuals has led to support in the US for a “menaissance” in which we would proudly embrace manliness.
According to writers Brett and Kate McKay, on the masculineheart blog, “true manliness sees women as equals in every way, but at the same time recognises and appreciates our differences. Traditional manliness was characterised by ideas of honour, strength, virtue, sacrifice, responsibility, leadership and integrity. Women rightly argue that their sex embraces these same values. But is it possible that these values and characteristics might manifest themselves differently in each sex?”
It seems to me that the old “boss” role of men in relation to women both at work and in the home has largely gone in the West. Good riddance to it.
In its place we can put an assertive partnership allowing the best qualities of both genders to flourish without either taking unfair advantage of the other.
That DMAX survey found that about one-third of fathers would like to be the sole breadwinner while another fifth would like to be the main breadwinner with the woman doing part-time work. I suspect that similar proportions of mothers would also prefer if things were that way – but crushing mortgages decree otherwise.
What feminism got rid of was the institutionalised, legalised blackguarding of women through marriage bans, unequal pay for equal work and so on.
With the legal issues dealt with, we now have to re-make the relationship between the genders. I see no need for pessimism in that process.
Of course there will be the extremes on both sides: the men who think women should submit to them and the women who see men as pointless and meriting extinction. These are basically male and female idiots who can be left to roam the comment pages of the internet.
Instead the rest of us can get on with building a relationship in which men, women and waxed and coiffed metrosexuals can argue, make up, work together, fight and have fun.
Lack of support from the partner is one of the strongest predictors of postnatal depression in women, according to an article in The Psychologist. Serious arguments during the pregnancy can increase the likelihood of postnatal depression also. According to the authors Pauline Slade, a professor in clinical psychology, and Michelle Cree, a consultant clinical psychologist, “there is evidence that antenatal stress can have potentially serious and long-term effects on the infant”. The lesson, I guess, is to make a special effort to be supportive to your pregnant partner and resolve disagreements as peacefully as you can. Easier said than done, maybe, but if anything was ever worth the effort, this is it.
Padraig O’Morain (pomorain@ireland.com) is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy