Success depends on more than not acting out your addiction but not wanting to. But relapse is always a fear writes, Joe Armstrong.
Relapse terrifies us. We recoil from personal and public failure. Addicts I've worked with dreamt they've relapsed and woke up feeling disgusted with themselves. Then relieved it was only a dream. A warning shot across the bows not to take their recovery for granted.
You can relapse into addictive activity a day, a year or a decade after you stop.
Once an addict, always an addict. You cannot have "just one" of anything you're addicted to.
That's the deal. Your addictive self connives: "Go on, you can have just one". Of course, you can't.
If only your behaviour has changed with old attitudes and beliefs intact, you set yourself up for relapse.
If you started out "simply" to stop an addictive activity, your goal now is to establish a balanced, healthy lifestyle without any addictive escapades.
It's the all-important difference between abstinence and sobriety. The abstinent addict doesn't act out the addiction but might very well still think like an addict.
The sober addict has grown beyond addictive thinking too. "Sobriety" is your goal. Not "mere" abstinence.
Makes the 12-week programme of the book or this seven-week newspaper column (which concludes next week) seem kind of short.
Ask yourself: "What would I do today if I really believed in myself?" Write down your answer.
Stop and write it now, please. Make sure you do today at least one thing from your list.
Even though you've stopped, your addictive self remains. It's the negative part of you that says you can't do it. You were never good at anything. There's something wrong with you. You will never fulfil your dreams.
You need to dialogue with this part of you in your daily journal. Let the part of you that knows your life's work and worth engage with your addictive thinking.
Have a conversation in your journal between both parts of yourself. If this sounds daft, you're doing it every minute of the day anyway as your addictive self knocks your self-esteem.
Your journal is your tool for change. Turns the tide from the addictive, negative part of you that has held sway up to now.
If you relapse, don't despair. Relapse means there is something else you needed to learn. It is part of the process. Do please email me in confidence to share your journey, especially if your planned quit date is soon.
Published by Glebe, Write Way to Stop Smoking costs €12.99. For more information, see www.writeway2stopsmoking.com