In the last in the series of how to shed addictions, Joe Armstrong says stopping provides an opportunity to develop as individuals
'Today was the first day I read your article. It caught my attention for I use drink to kill the pain of loneliness and to get to sleep. I'm involved in all sorts of things, am seen as successful and have a fairly good social life but there is still that moment when you close the door and on one's own again.
I drink fast, only at night, over about two hours and go to bed slightly sozzled. Get up in the morning, have a bath and a good walk and kill the hangover and start working all over again. I keep making promises to myself to give it up and am very unsuccessful.
P.S. I am a widow with three grown-up children, all doing well."
- from reader SC, Galway
"Hi Joe, just to say I am over the crucial first day. It is nearly 48 hours now. It's not that painful. I have learned to not give in to the cravings. So far - so good. I keep having to take deep breaths. I was a shallow smoker, my poor throat took the brunt of it. The breaths seem to alleviate the craving."
- final update from reader VB
Alcoholism, smoking, compulsive gambling and food addictions are just some of the addictions that wreck our lives.
By stopping, we have the opportunity to grow and heal as we never thought possible.
What would it be like for SC to sit and write in her loneliness rather than to reach for an alcoholic drink? To let her feelings of loneliness well up from within. To express her authentic self on the page, instead of fleeing from self-awareness into addiction.
We fear the crazy things we might write. And yet it is by facing our authentic self on the page that our singularity can emerge. In expressing what's going on in our mind, heart and body, we become grounded and discover a way forward.
The simple act of declining a cigarette, drink or other mood-altering escape can allow ourselves to heal and grow. It is like "coming out" into the person we were born to be.
Addiction is intimately associated with what is going on in your life. Which is why, when you stop, your whole life is on the agenda. How you solve problems. How you cope with stress. How you relax. How you schedule physical exercise into your day. Your relationships come under the microscope, not least your relationship with yourself. How real are you with yourself? How authentic are your relationships? How well does your partner know you?
You may find yourself examining relationships in your family of origin. Was that family dysfunctional? Was it a place where your emotional needs were met?
One must be aware that, when leaving behind addictive activities, not all feelings that bubble to the surface are caused by abstinence.
At the heart of the Write Way to Stop programme is lifestyle balance. Getting enough sleep. Eating healthily. Taking time out for you. Not trading one addiction for another. Believing in your unrepeatable self, expressing yourself, learning listening skills, to self and others. Taking calculated risks towards personal fulfilment. Attaining and maintaining work-life balance. Having an intelligent relationship with money.
In short, when we look at addiction, we are looking at our whole life and how well we're managing it.
We dare to believe in ourselves. We use our movement beyond addictive ways to fuel our freedom, fulfilment and fullness of life.
(Series concluded)
Published by Glebe, Write Way to Stop Smoking costs 12.99. For more information, see www.writeway2stopsmoking.com