Prayer in post-trauma stress management for children can be hugely therapeutic, writes Marie Murray.
News of the death of a mother and her two sons violently and without warning is distressing for everyone.
How family and friends cope with this tragedy is a process they enter now, one of grief and mourning, of shock, denial, anger, confusion and pain.
Some deaths cry out louder for explanations we do not have. What we do have are responses that we can make to help the networks of people surrounding catastrophe to cope better than they would without them. This is particularly important when children are involved: when small people have big questions that are unanswerable.
The major institutions, of State, church and school have responded promptly. While the State investigates, the church consoles and the school support structures are put in place. This is what children need: to know that the adult world can manage this.
For example, most of the community have already converged, in one of the ways that often reassures them most when the tenor of life is ruptured: that is by attending the local church. Prayer is powerfully psychologically supportive at these times. It recognises that there are some questions too large and some answers too mysterious to torture oneself with. It says to children, do not be afraid, we are not afraid, we are here, together in this place and this is a good thing to do for those who died and for ourselves.
The schools are also providing messages of support, particularly the local school, which by the availability of teachers and counsellors also conveys the message, do not be afraid, we are here, together, in this place. It says we valued and loved these pupils, we are sad that something has happened to them, you may talk about what you feel about it to us if you wish.
Of course everyone is aware of the research that confirms that counselling is best when it is an option, not an imposition. While some children may be hugely exercised by the event, for others the impact, meaning, significance and wish to do or say anything at all about it may escape them or may not surface for a while.
At home, families are likely to want to be together, particularly this evening, to reassure themselves that tragedy is not at their own door today. How a family responds is important. Among the post-trauma recommendations about how to behave with children and how to answer their questions are the following:
Finally, to return to a major intervention - it may be unfashionable, viewed as irrelevant or even politically incorrect - but few clinicians would deny that one of the most reassuring rituals in the life of children is that of prayer.
Whether undertaken exclusively for its psychological benefit or whether one subscribes to the spiritual enrichment of the ritual, prayer in post-trauma stress management for children can be hugely therapeutic.
Marie Murray is director of psychology in St Vincent's Hospital, Fairview