Hitler's gallop halted in Kilcormac

The Ballymena Guardian boasted an "exclusive" on the Liam "Neeson Bombshell" - the actor's decision to decline the offer of the…

The Ballymena Guardian boasted an "exclusive" on the Liam "Neeson Bombshell" - the actor's decision to decline the offer of the freedom of Ballymena. Although he had written to the town council in a letter marked "private and confidential", it none the less ended up on the front page of the newspaper. "Although I very much appreciate, and am greatly honoured by, the majority decision of Ballymena Council to offer me the freedom of the borough, I none the less believe that it would be inappropriate for me to accept in view of the stated opposition of some members and the resultant controversy, which has already been extensively covered in the media," stated Neeson.

The Munster Express celebrated the success of a local rising star, "golden-voiced" Gretta Rochford (26) of Waterford, who has landed a part in Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber's latest West End stage production, The Beautiful Game, scripted by Ben Elton and set in Northern Ireland. Other local newspapers were handling the fallout from various St Patrick's Day shenanigans. Fact was stranger than fiction in Sneem, Co Kerry, where locals were "stunned" by the sight of former taoiseach Charles Haughey parading through the village, smiling and waving as he led a band of eco-warriors and "River dancers". At first, shocked onlookers thought that the "fit and sprightly" grand marshal was "a local in disguise".

The sights were even more bizarre in the midlands, where "Adolf Hitler's sweep across Western Europe was halted in its tracks by a vigilant member of the Kilcormac St Patrick's Day Parade Committee," stated the Midland and Tullamore Tribune. The offensive float was the work of the Mitchell family of Gortnamona and their friends, who are seeking a public apology after the "public humiliation" of being forced to lower their swastikas and remain silent while passing the reviewing stand.

The lead vehicle, an open-topped car, was decorated with swastikas and carried an Adolf Hitler impersonator along with a number of adults dressed in Nazi uniforms, accompanied by other adults and children. The entourage included Niall Carr (brother of playwright Marina Carr), who addressed the crowds in German and interspersed his frenzied monologue with chants of `sieg heil' and Nazi salutes. The float's creators claimed that their anti-Nazi message had been missed.

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There was a certain resonance between this story and events in other counties. The Tipperary Star reported a councillor's comments that "scumbags" who break into rural houses should be "put down".

The Connaught Telegraph reported a "revolt" by 15 councillors over Mayo County Council's plan to house the entire Mayo travelling community at a cost of £10 million within the next five years. The Sligo Champion predicted resistance to Sligo County Council's own draft plan, and commented that "there is no doubt that discrimination and racism affect Travellers . . . However, change is a two-way street . . . Too often in the past, the rights of the settled community have been contemptuously trampled upon by a section of Travellers who seem to go out of their way to antagonise the very people they must convert to their cause if the issue of Travellers' rights is ever to be solved."

THE Clare Champion stated that "a growing crisis" in the Clare planning process has led to renewed calls this week for Clare County Council to scrap its highly controversial "apartheid policy" that prevents non-indigenous people from building houses in certain parts of the county. Two independent councillors are leading a campaign to amend the "flawed" plan, which they say is preventing "good planning practice". A debate on the anti-outsider policy was voted down by Fianna Fail councillors. The Donegal Democrat pictured a spectacular straw house that "huffing and puffing won't knock". Ignoring the cautionary tale about the three pigs, Chris Killalea, a sculptor from Manorhamilton, is building an environmentally friendly American "Nebraska"-style straw house which he hopes will become a sculpture centre.

Already a tourist attraction, the beautiful three-level house is costing a reasonable £25 per square foot to build, compared to the average cost of £45 per square foot for a conventional building. The focal point of the interior will be a spiral staircase carved out of a single giant tree trunk.

A unique animal species - found only in the River Nore - is threatened with extinction, stated the Kilkenny People. The freshwater pearl mussel, Margaritifera durovensis, is the oldest life form in Ireland but is under threat from eutrophication, which leads to silting and algae growth.

The Kilkenny People also gave its readers an update on the previous week's top story, the illicit activities of certain homosexuals, with the headline: "Little movement in city centre toilet".