How the capital goes to town to make dreams come true

It's hard to believe that only a few months ago Washington was being described as Dullsville and "one boring town".

It's hard to believe that only a few months ago Washington was being described as Dullsville and "one boring town".

Was Washington, asked one fed-up journalist, "turning into snooze city"? Definitely yes, was his conclusion. His lament was a big spread in the town's local paper, the Washington Post.

The big news then was that Bill Clinton was going to balance the budget and most of the country just yawned. Washington yearned for the Cold War and the Evil Empire instead of White House proposals about school uniforms, teenage curfews and V-chips to protect the young from TV soft porn.

The country outside the Washington Beltway, or ring road, had tuned out of national politics. A member of a Washington think tank on a visit to Minnesota was shocked to find a group of bright teenagers who had never heard of Madeleine Albright, the nation's first woman Secretary of State.

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That was last July before the Monica Lewinsky era. Now we all know every nook and cranny of the White House; the study off the Oval Office; where the photocopying machine is in the west wing. We know the name of the White House steward who makes coffee for visitors and where the President's personal secretary used to sit.

Washington is no longer boring. It's a ringside seat at a titanic struggle to bring down a President over an alleged sex scandal. You daren't close your eyes for a moment in case you miss the latest subpoena for the White House charlady to testify to the grand jury about what she saw and who was doing it.

But for those with eyes to see, there was always another Washington, away from the city's "parasite culture" with its 40,000 lawyers, 20,000 congressional staff members, 12,000 journalists and 7,000 registered lobbyists. This other Washington worked at boring jobs during the day but at night made dreams come true inside the walls of shabby buildings off Dupont Circle and Farragut Square.

Here you could learn in just one evening How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You in a "six-step scientifically sound game plan". Women could be taught for $29 dollars How To Find Desirable Men.

Men could learn Covert Seduction from James Murdoch. "Are you confused about what women really want in a man? What really attracts beautiful women is very different than what you have been culturally conditioned to believe."

Mr Murdoch can teach you How To Never Waste Your Time And Money On The Wrong Woman Again.

Lynda Slayen in three hours will teach you How To Marry The Rich. It's not that hard "to find that special someone who also happens to be loaded".

If all this is a bit cerebral, what about belly-dancing? Mariza will teach you this "exciting, exhilarating art".

Washington is not just politics and scandal. You can be Successfully Single, know How To Talk To Anybody About Anything and Harness The Power Of The Killer Compliment.

Do you want to know about your past life? You can "explore the possibility that we incarnate many times on this Earth School to learn special lessons and to be of service to our fellow human beings".

Are you interested in what really goes on after you die? Then "Step behind the formaldehyde curtain" and "see a day in the life of a funeral service professional [including an actual embalming]".

That's not for everyone. But what man can resist "The Code" which teaches you Time-Tested Secrets For Getting What You Want From Women - Without Marrying Them.

All this and much much more can be yours every night of the week in Washington. I have only shown you the tip of the iceberg.

The Monica Lewinsky stuff is just a minor distraction for the Washingtonians whose nights are whiled away on entrancing paths to self-fulfilment.

That poor journalist who was bored deserves it. He should have done Beginner Rock Climbing.