Parental Equality's first national conference included the personal stories of divorced, separated and unmarried fathers and their dealing with the social welfare, health and legal systems.
One businessman whose children are now adults told the conference he was separated in the late 1980s, sought access to his children but his wife constantly breached access orders. "The courts made loads of orders but didn't enforce them." When dealing with the courts it was a case of "if you're a mother, great, if you're a father, hard luck".
He said his wife was unstable, physically abusive and at one point hit the principal in his children's school. He was in and out of court for years, and after a final, undelivered promise of custody, he "gave up" and did not see his children for four years. He was then contacted by the Eastern Health Board after his daughter told a friend her mother was physically abusing her. He and his new wife got temporary and then permanent custody. He praised the board for its immediate action but it never followed up "and there was no real check on my wife or me".
A previous psychiatric assessment recommended the "status quo" that the children should stay with their mother despite the danger. He was now very cynical. He had spent £50,000 on legal fees and reports. He told the fathers at the conference: "Don't believe the establishment will deliver justice. Try to avoid solicitors/lawyers if you can. In many cases you're a fee walking in, not a human being. Try to go to mediation first."
A man in his 30s, a separated father of three whose wife left him, said they worked out a "sensible, shared parenting" system on a 50:50 basis. The children were happy, confident and knew they had "two loving parents". He said his wife was now with another partner and had a new baby. His difficulty was financial and he did not believe it was fair that while the children were with him 50 per cent of the time he paid 100 per cent of the costs.
Outlining his financial commitments, he said he had a good job and received €2,700 a month. But he had to pay €900 in maintenance and €900 for his mortgage. Including car loan, car tax and utility bills he had €225 a week left to raise his children. He believed it was unfair that his wife received all the children's allowance as well as the maintenance. but "the courts don't want to know".
A man in his 20s told how his girlfriend in college split up with him when she got pregnant. His name was not put on his son's birth cert and he saw his child for the first time when the child was two.
"According to the department of social welfare I don't exist" and that continued to ensure his former girlfriend and child would get housing.
He now sees his child on a Saturday, but has to travel 60 miles to collect him and by the time he gets home the child has just an hour with him and his extended family as he has to return him to his mother by 7pm. That would not be allowed if it was the mother who sought access. "When is a father not a father," he quoted. "When he's Irish."
Marie O'Halloran