This statement is edited to protect the identity of victim and the other children
I am the eldest of six children and I was born on 11th April, 1989 . . . I can’t say when my childhood started or finished because as far as I’m concerned I never had a childhood.
As was accepted at the trial our house was dirty and untidy. The social services were involved with us from an early stage. Home-helps came to the house twice a week to bath us, clean the house and feed us.
The only happy memories I have of [Father’s name] as a child were when he took me fishing and playing pool in the pub. The pub was the centre of everything else. We went to the pub after my first Holy Communion and Confirmation.
He never showed me how to do anything, just told me to do it and I did it. I did it out of fear. It is an awful thing to live in fear. I never knew what answer to give him. What I thought was the right answer could be the wrong one depending on the mood he was in.
I knew while going to national school and talking and listening to other children that I was different and things at home were different. The other children were happy going home, going different places with their parents, having nice lunches at school, being clean and tidy, but I had nothing to look forward to going home and things got a lot worse for me when I left national school and started secondary school.
It was then the real nightmare began when [Father’s name] started sexually abusing me. First he started by feeling me up and touching me inside my clothes while I lay in bed. Then he started raping me. The raping started around 2001, to when I went into care in 2004.
He did this to me two or three times a week between those dates. The feeling of lying awake at night, afraid to go to sleep, afraid to stay awake, waiting for him to come to my room and abuse me was terrifying. I had no choice but to let him do it.
All my life I had lived in fear of [Father’s name], threats not to give information to social workers, threats when he came from the pub, threats not to tell teachers or anyone outside the house what was going on at home. Sometimes he did not have to say anything because I knew by that look on his face.
Every time he sexually abused me he told me not to tell anyone; I didn’t because I knew what would happen if I did.
He used to sleep on the couch in the sitting room all the time watching telly till all hours. It was easy for him to come down to my room unnoticed and abuse me. The pain was terrible but he didn’t care. I asked him to stop, asked him not to do it, even tried to stop him but he just hit me.
During his evidence I had to leave the court. I just couldn’t listen to all the lies he told. It was all lies except at some stage he said you would have to be a pure deranged animal to do what I was saying he did.
My aunt and uncle [their names] whom I now live with have been very good to me and the rest of my family all our lives. As far as I am concerned they are my parents. Again during the trial it was brought up how I made a false allegation against [my uncle] back a number of years ago. I did make this false allegation but it was [Father’s name] who made me do it so that would not be able to get custody of me and the rest of my family.
As as result of the abuse on me by [Father’s name] and the environment I was brought up in I never had a childhood, never had the appropriate love and affection shown to me by him the way a father should a son.
I feel different to other people of my age. I feel I will always have a stigma attached to me with people saying things like, “that’s the lad was abused by his father”. I still have nightmares reliving him raping me, sometimes have trouble going to sleep and the fact I was forced to give evidence because of the stance he took at the trial has brought it all right to the surface again.
I’m not on any medication at the moment but in the past since I went into care I have been on and off anti-depressant, anxiety and sleeping tablets.
[Father’s name] has never shown any remorse, sympathy and never once said he was sorry to me but instead chose to blame everything on me.
Under oath he called me a liar in court and even said I found it easy to give evidence.
I have referred throughout this report to this man here in court as [Father’s name]. I can’t even bear to call him my father. I hate the man and I want to tell him here now today that I will never forgive him for what he did to me and the way he ruined my life. He has given me a life sentence and I feel he should also be given a life sentence, a life sentence behind bars where he belongs.
I want to thank everyone who has helped me through this terrible ordeal and helped put this man where he belongs. There are so many people, too many to mention. But two people I must mention are . . . my aunt and uncle whom I owe a great deal of gratitude to for helping me get to where I am today, for taking me into their home and looking after me like one of their own children.