A mother is in jail in the US for hosting a teen party with alcohol . It wouldn't happen here - but should it, asks Kate Holmquist
On the other side of the Atlantic, in Virginia this week, 42-year-old Elisa Kelly and her former husband were sentenced to 27 months each in jail for supplying beer to teenagers at Kelly's son's 16th birthday party in August 2002. Even though Kelly confiscated all the teenagers' car keys and, without having a drink herself, undertook to supervise a night-long sleepover, she was convicted of "contributing to the delinquency of minors".
When the teenagers were later tested, none of the party-goers was drunk - about half were under the limit and the other half hadn't had any alcohol at all. But in Virginia the legal age for consuming alcohol is 21, and adults are held accountable when they fail to halt under-age drinking in their homes. The authorities were determined to make an example of Kelly.
Originally sentenced to eight years until her sentence was reduced on appeal, Kelly began her 27-month sentence this week, saying: "No one got hurt. I really don't think I deserve this."
If only she lived in Ireland, because it never happens here. In practice, it's unheard of for gardaí to raid private parties where under-18s are drinking alcohol - enforcement is focused on public places.
The legal age to purchase alcohol and to drink in licensed premises here is 18, and purchasing alcohol for a minor is illegal, except by parents for consumption at home. Whatever about having sleepovers where 13-year-olds raid the parents' drinks cabinet, any parent will tell you that at an 18th birthday party some of the people attending are likely to be just shy of 17. These days it's not unusual for 15- and 16-year-olds to have a beer with parents' consent, even if it's someone else's child whose own parents haven't necessarily given their consent.
BUT ARE WE just being liberal and wise Europeans in allowing under-18s to drink alcohol at home? "No, absolutely 100 per cent no. The law has to be changed," says Beth Fitzpatrick, a counsellor with Access counselling service in Walkinstown, Dublin. Rather than dismissing Virginians as reactionary rednecks, she thinks that under-18s shouldn't be allowed alcohol in private homes, and that parents who give other people's children alcohol should be liable to prosecution.
As a counsellor, she comes from the perspective that alcohol abuse, either by teens or their parents, is a factor in most of the cases of family conflict that she deals with.
Ellen O'Malley Dunlop, of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, believes that the Virginia case is "over the top" but that Irish parents need to have an "informed attitude" and be aware of the risks involved when teens drink. Allowing one's own children to have some wine or beer in the context of a civilised family celebration is one thing, but giving it to somebody's else's child is another matter. "It's not my job as a parent to give alcohol to other people's children," she says.
Sexual assaults can happen in private homes when teens lose their inhibitions at parties, and for parents to believe that it won't happen in their home is "naive", she warns. "In the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre we have seen people who have been in those situations and no one wants to put another person in that situation."
Rita O'Reilly of Parentline, a support service for parents and guardians, says that parents should do their utmost to ensure they are not giving alcohol to other people's under-age kids, but that the parents of the under-age teenager have a responsibility as well. If you don't want your child to drink alcohol at somebody else's party, you should phone the parents and tell them, she advises. And the host parents should be present at all times during the party to ensure that under-age teenagers who don't have their parents' consent aren't drinking and that teens who are drinking aren't doing themselves harm.
It's a thin line for parents to walk, and keeping tabs on your child by checking things out with the parents hosting the party isn't necessarily going to make parents more popular. Refusing drink to your child's party guests may seem like a throwback to Victorian times. But which is worse? Being unpopular, or getting a phone call the next morning from a parent whose child has been raped, beaten up or been picked up unconscious by gardaí?
Marion Rackard, of Alcohol Action Ireland, thinks that informed parenting, not legislation, is the answer. In her view, parents have a responsibility to think through the moral and ethical consequences before they choose to let other parents' under-18s drink in their homes. Accidents, injuries and unsafe sex are all risks, even in a private home. "In Ireland there's a huge tolerance for alcohol-related harm in party situations," she thinks.
"Positive parenting is a far greater influence than legislation. Our hope would be that parents would feel strongly enough to create a safe environment by providing lots of non-alcohol drinks and, if teens are drinking alcohol, to pace it, which is very hard it do. But parents need to be able to say, 'these are the rules, and there are certain behaviours we won't tolerate'," Rackard says.
PARENTS NEED TO follow their own rules, obviously, and should take the French approach and drink in a healthy manner, gradually introducing their children to wine in the family setting, says Dr Pat Dolan, a psychologist specialising in family relationships at UCG. Banning alcohol only makes children want it more.
The Virginia approach is unenforceable, says Prof Joe Barry of the department of public health at TCD, and also fails to deal with the core problem, which is that children are being constantly exposed to alcohol advertising.
Implementing the recommendations of the Task Force on Alcohol by eliminating the exposure of under-18s to alcohol advertising and sponsorship would be a far better first step than going into people's homes and taking the cans from under-18s, he thinks.
Young people think so too. When the European Youth Forum looked at the issue, the major message was: don't police us, just stop advertising alcohol to us so we can make up our own minds.