Dáil Sketch: Intrepid anthropologist Enda Kenny went to Lucan at the crack of dawn on Tuesday morning. He didn't brave it all on his own, but travelled with a retinue of deputies and hangers-on and a few television camera crews, writes Miriam Lord.
In the spirit of social concern and the forthcoming election, the Fine Gael leader accosted drowsy motorists in traffic jams and felt their pain. He then moved on to condole with commuters at bus stops, whether they liked it or not.
A celebrated clip from the archives swam to mind, the one where a young Charlie Bird takes to a boat in the flooded streets of Bray and tries to interview a sodden householder. His concern is not appreciated. "F*** off Charlie, you're too late!" he is told.
It is testament to the courteousness of the people of Lucan that Mr Kenny was not met with similar salutations when he intruded on their morning misery, before high-tailing it back to the free-parking zone that is Leinster House.
Energised by his big adventure in the real world, Enda has been trying to extract more mileage from it than the average commuter-belt motorist clocks up in a week.
Due to the absence of the Taoiseach and Tánaiste, Minister for Finance Brian Cowen endured a detailed account of how Mayoman Enda got on during his hair-raising trip into motorway madness, and was apprised of the lessons he learned from observing the ordinary people at close quarters.
"The M50 roundabout is a major contributory factor to rising stress levels, lack of productivity and consternation among hundreds of thousands of commuters," said the Fine Gael leader, choosing to leave out a new phenomenon which is adding to the distress of these people.
As they shiver at their bus stops or breakfast at their steering wheels, they know not the day nor the hour when David McWilliams, Enda Kenny or David Attenborough might arrive to study them.
"Having spent two hours out there," shuddered the Fine Gael leader, clearly still shaken by the experience, "and having seen at first hand the chaos and confusion, one can understand that a great number of people in Lucan and in the vicinity of the Ballyowen roundabout have lost a sense of hope that anybody can do anything about this." A stranger wandering in off the street would have been forgiven for thinking that Enda had just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq.
But Biffo remained unmoved. Maybe because he has a free car and a Garda driver who can use the bus lanes.
Maybe because he was annoyed at Bertie and Michael for making him listen to Enda banging on about his two-hour expedition to Lucan. Or maybe he was pining for the freedom of the Fianna Fáil Ardfheis, when he was off the leash and allowed to bark with abandon, like in the good old days.
Three cheers so, for socialist Joe Higgins, who always brings out the worst in Fianna Fáil. He asked, in incendiary tones, if the Government would take heed of the results in the American elections, where the people rejected "the unspeakable barbarities unleashed on the Iraqi people by the imperialist invasion of their country"?
"I have no respect for the deputy's anti-Americanism. I never have and I never will," snarled Biffo, giving the chamber a tantalising glimpse of how great he used to be.
He subsided almost immediately, which is just as well. After his journey to the heart of darkest Lucan, any more excitement might have killed Enda Kenny.